Call a Doctor, Wednesday One-liners!

Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.

–F train

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Suits, White People

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready for Valentine’s

Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: rDave

Posted on February 8, 2006
Getting Off, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, People, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Teens, Trains Not Subway, White People

Wednesday One-liners Could Use a Scrubbing

Vendor guy: I got so much dirt under my nails, you’d think I was a crackhead.

–Fulton Mall

Overheard by: Black Girl Superstar

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Suits, Thugs, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-liners Reek

Suit: I just wish that, just once, I could walk into the bathroom at work without it smelling like three week old dead hookers.

–8th between 17th & 18th

Posted on February 1, 2006
Scents of the City, Suits, The Village

He Totally Got the Vanilla

Fratboy: This one is awesome. Chicks love it….or, um, dudes, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Suit: I am, thank you.
Fratboy: Awesome. Good save, huh?
Suit: Yeah. Thanks for the recommendation.
Fratboy: Anytime.

–Vintage New York, 93rd & Broadway

Posted on January 28, 2006
Etiquette, Fashion, Frat Boys, People, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Buddha Sure Thinks It’s Funny

Suit #1: So what do they speak in India? Hindu?
Suit #2: Hindu’s not a language. It’s Hindi.
Suit #1: Right, right. So those people, they’re Buddhist?
Suit #2: Are you kidding me?

–51st & Park

Posted on January 10, 2006
Global Geography, Idiots, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Questions, Religion, Stupidity, Suits

Always Bragging About the Log Cabin

Hobo: Do you have some change for a homeless man?
Suit: Sorry.
Hobo: Fucking faggot!
Suit: I’m a fucking fag with a warm house.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on January 8, 2006
Anger Management, Brooklyn, Hobos, People, Places, Queers, Suits

We Don’t Understand the Meaning of “Please”

Businessguy: Hi, small Earl Grey tea with milk, please.
Deli man: What kind of tea?
Businessguy: Earl Grey.
Deli man: How many sugars you say? Two?

–Deli, Wall & Water

Posted on January 6, 2006
Clerks, Delis, Food, Language Barrier, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That’s So Last Year

Suit: So my Dad just got back from New Orleans.
Girl: Wow; did he say it was like a disaster down there?
Suit: No, he said it was like a fucking flood went through there, idiot.

–Times Square shuttle

Posted on January 1, 2006
News, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Travel

Conflict Fuels Wednesday One-liners

Suit on cell: …and I appreciate that. Now get out of my house before I have you arrested.

–Penn Station

Posted on December 28, 2005
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Home, Sweet Home, On Cell, Penn Station, Suits, Threats

Suits