Professor: I don’t know why everyone’s in drag today. There are just some days like that.
Queer student: Oh, honey. That’s Saturday at my house.
–NYU Silver Center
Professor: I don’t know why everyone’s in drag today. There are just some days like that.
Queer student: Oh, honey. That’s Saturday at my house.
–NYU Silver Center
Literature prof: Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz were two Mexican intellectuals who wrote essays concerning what it meant to be Mexican. Can anyone name some equivalent American intellectuals who were concerned with what it means to be American?
Student #1: Steven Spielberg?
Student #2: J. K. Rowling?
Student #3: Bob Dylan?
Student #4: C. S. Lewis?
Student #5: Stephen King?
[silence]
–Fordham University Classroom
Overheard by: [Embarrassed] to be an American
Professor: … So this leads me to believe that probably none of you will be in competing with illegal Mexican immigrants for jobs.
Student: Oh, boy!
–NYU
Professor: So if we were to write a speech on the American Civil War, what could some topics be?
Student: The different countries involved?
–Pace University
Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.
–Fordham Universityy
Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.
–Yeshiva University
English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.
–Hunter college
Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: EntertainedStudent
Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Dude: … So she smoked some pot and said, ‘This isn’t working. I need to shoot some heroin.’
–26th St & 8th Ave
Professor: Every good professor smokes marijuana.
–John Jay College
Overheard by: soccerking3t
Fat guy: Hey, I just finished running the marathon — let’s call Jeff and go get high!
–12th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: off white
Young pothead: Hey, lady, could you spare some change to help support my marijuana habit?
–Borough Hall Park, Staten Island
Future teacher: I think we should let the kids smoke pot everyday after lunch… You know, just for kindergarten.
–Spruce St & Gold St
Overheard by: Kim
Chick on cell: For some reason that reminds me of The Bell Jar. But probably, I’m just still high.
–West 4th St & Greene
Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.
–24th St & 3rd Ave
Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.
–Bleecker & LaGuardia
Overheard by: Jack
Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!
–N Train
Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
NYU student: Are mountain goats agile?
Professor: Hell yeah!
–Mercer Street
Student: Um, would we really use the extremely polite form with random strangers on the street?
Japanese teacher, exuberantly: Oh yes, definitely.
Class: [Laughter.]Japanese teacher: I’m not kidding, you don’t want to make them think you like them or want to get close to them… they’re a stranger! You want to keep as much emotional distance from them as possible.
–Japanese Class, Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Professor: In 10 years, I want to have just been released from jail. I lived in a 5×5 cell, but I’m really fit ’cause I learned Pilates. I’m also an expert in the tango. I practiced in jail by myself, of course, but once I find a girl to dance with I’ll be the best tango dancer in the world. I’ll also be able to heal people.
–Gallatin School Building, NYU
Overheard by: Moonlit
