Teens

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: joy

Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!

–16th St & 7th Ave

Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.

–Brooklyn

Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Diaz

Teenage boy to friend: So when I was walking by the store I saw this guy being dragged out in handcuffs.
Friend: Shit, why didn't you call the cops or something?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: areyouserious?

Teen chick: Man, I take the quickest shits ever. Sometimes I wish I could stay on the bowl for hours, you know? Really enjoy my shit.
Friend: You’re fucked.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Lindsey

Sad teen girl: I'm just sad… We had to talk about love and soulmates in English class.
Teen friend: We're teenagers. You gotta be shallow and superficial. That love and soulmate shit is for grownups.

–E Train

Overheard by: grown-up

Teen girl #1: Cashmere is God’s gift to the human race!
Teen girl #2: Well, the part of the human race that can afford it.

–Macy’s, West 34th Street

Teen girl: She said money don’t grow on trees but yeah it do. Money made of paper, paper made from trees.
20-something-guy: Actually, US currency is printed on cotton.
Teen boy: Cotton?
20-something-guy: Yeah, they use denim, like jeans.
Teen girl: My jeans don’t be rippin like money, they using some low grade shit.

–Staten Island Mall Bus Stop

Overheard by: ryn

Teen girl #1: You shouldn’t chew gum; it makes you stupider.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I heard that somewhere.
Teen girl #2: Well, I heard somewhere that you’re an idiot. No, wait, that was right here.

–Stuyvesant High School, Chambers Street

Thug kid #1: What would you rather do, bite a cat’s head off or fuck Mrs. Kopf* in the ass?
Thug kid #2: What the fuck?
Thug kid #1: Pick one.
Thug kid #2: Fuck no!
Thug kid #1: If you don’t pick one they’re gonna let Mike Tyson fuck your mom in the ass.
Thug kid #2: Fuck you fag! You pick one!
Thug kid #1: Nah, I asked you first. I’ll pick after you pick
Thug kid #2: Cat.

–Jamaica Avenue, Queens

Overheard by: Nado

Teen girl: This is, like, intellectual popcorn.

–Film Forum, Houston Street

Girl #1: Well he’s only ten years older than me!
Girl #2: That’s almost rape! Sweetie, he’s probably some sick pedophile.
Girl #1: It’s not so bad…When I was sixteen he was only 24, right?
Girl #2: Well at least you’re intellectual equivalents.
Girl #1: What’s that?

–L train