Guy: I like Bin Laden, you know? I like his style. Nobody can figure that motherfucker out. Hell, I’d wear a t‑shirt with that motherfucker’s face on it. The snipers, they be tryin’ to find him and didn’t find shit. I give him mad credit. He bad ass.

–Post Office, 42nd between 8th & 9th

Overheard by: Babs Monroe

Professor: When I try to remember the last time I felt chaos around me, I can only think of September 11th. Were you guys around for that?
Student: You must do a lot of yoga.
Professor: Actually, I do.

–Eugene Lang College, the New School

Grandpa: Honey, take off your shoes and put them on the belt.
5‑Year‐Old granddaughter: Me?!
Grandpa: Yes, everyone has to take off their shoes.
Granddaughter: But me?! Really?!
Grandpa: Yes, you too.
Granddaughter: What kind of airport is this?!


Lady #1: Osama doesn’t have a chance to win the election.
Lady #2: Osama? Don’t you mean Barack Obama?
Lady #1: No, not him.

–5 Train

Overheard by: E‑Stuff

Veteran on train: You know why America is the best country on earth?
NJ guy: Um, because we got the most stable economy and the greatest people. And because we fight terrorism where the rest of the countries aren’t pulling their weight.
Veteran: Yep, I reckon that’s all true. But I’ll tell you, this week when I was visiting New York, I went to this soup place and ordered macaroni. And this macaroni was white, I mean with white cheese…not yellow. I mean, can you imagine white cheese? You think other countries have white cheese? I mean, in America you can have anything!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Horrified

Crazy old lady: You’re gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You’re gonna have very bad luck… you could be in the next 911.

–7th Ave & 36th St

Older lady #1: He’s a very nice guy. He looks like a terrorist, but he’s so sweet.
Older lady #2, laughing: Really? Well, that’s good.
Older lady #1: Yeah. He’s so smart! Really bright, and really good at making you feel comfortable. I was so glad to have him helping us. But he definitely – if you look at him – he’s like teddy Taliban.

–Waiting Room, NYU Hospital

Overheard by: Hector Hamas?

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air‐time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Woman #1: A car blew up on my street last night, and I was like,
“Here come the fuckin’ terrorists!”
Woman #2: Terrorists in Queens?
Woman #1: Not by me. Terrorists get shot in my neighborhood!

–E train

Coworker #1: Hey, Times Square just got evacuated because of a bomb threat.
Coworker #2: Damn, I guess I have to head east for lunch.

–42nd St & Madison Ave