Tourist boy: Daddy, I hate Ground Zero. Can’t we go?
Tourist dad: Well, the terrorists hated it too, but they came here.

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: Steven Vames

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in “lower level of hell”.

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in “Will you marry me?” will be running on the Q as in “cookie” line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) “rooooooooooomeooooooooooo” will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Naked suit: You know, if you’re a terrorist and you wanna get into a building, you should just say you’re from Price Waterhouse or Ernst & Young. Nobody asks any questions.

–Vanderbilt YMCA, East 47th Street

Overheard by: Palaverist

Chick #1: Damn yo, why aren’t there aboveground trains in the city?
Chick #2: They’d crash into the buildings. Duh! Pfft.

–J train

Overheard by: maggie

Wife: But, sweetheart, that sort of makes you a terrorist.
Husband: Look, just because I like to blow things up doesn’t make me a terrorist. I’m white!

–Norfolk & Rivington

Overheard by: Adam

Old man: Hey, you just kicked my bag!
Young man: Dude, it was just sitting there. For all I know it has a bomb in it.
Old man: But I’m right here!
Young man: Look, you show me a bag that looks like a bomb and I’m gonna kick it, every time.

–Men’s room, Union Square Regal Cinemas

Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.

–Hunt Valley bus

Overheard by: Katie Cheek

Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t‑shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!

–Morningside Heights

Toddler: Why is Jack‐Jack’s name “Jack‐Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann‐Johann? 

–1 train

Overheard by: Matt G

Hipster girl: You know Mabel's dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]

--9th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch

Headline by: troy


· "And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose" - David Reitmeyer

· "If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I'd Never Have Named The Fetus" - ED

· "Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend's cat in the microwave" - alexcalibur

· "There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!" - mimi marquez

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Husband on airplane: I would rather beg for mercy from Saddam Hussein than from you.
Wife: He’s dead, keep your insults current.
(ten minutes after)
Husband: Bin Laden, that’s who I meant.
Wife: (silence)
Husband: Have a Life Saver.
Wife, annoyed: You giving me a green one?

–Flight over JFK

Overheard by: Laurie Gwen Shapiro

Guy: I was like, “Mom, listen…if a nuclear bomb goes off in New York City, then I’m going to worry about melting before radiation poisoning.”

–53rd & 6th 

Overheard by: J‑Mo