Terrorism

Without Wednesday One-Liners, the Terrorists Win

Teacher to student: You don’t look like a golfer; you look like a terrorist.

–Brooklyn Tech

Flyer guy: No one goes to those run-of-the-mill Broadway shows on a Saturday night! The only people going to them is the Bin Laden family, and you don’t want to sit next to them. They’ll blow you to smithereens!

–Times Square

Overheard by: annahj

Young kid, about fireworks nearby: Look, Mommy! They’re planning a terrorist attack!

–13th & 2nd

Dude: Prisons are nice, man. I’d rather go to prison than be out here with the terrorists! it’s safer in prison.

–Court & Livingston, Brooklyn

Overheard by: cary

…Fair-Trade Heroin?

Scruffy man to another, walking by where a food cart usually is: Hey, that food cart ain't there?
Other man: You eat there! That's supporting terrorists!
Scruffy man: So! That shit's cheap!

–Post Office, 33rd St

They Got the Dental Records? Seriously?

Idiot #1: … And that’s why they call him Ted Kaczynski, because he bit her on the ass.
Idiot #2: Really?
Idiot #1: Yeah, they got the dental records and everything. He totally bit her on the ass, and there were bite marks. That’s why they call him Ted Kaczynski.

–61st & 10th

Wednesday One-Liners for Hezbollah

Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: StriderNo9

Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?

–MoMA

Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.

–46th and 9th

Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B

Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?

–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th

Overheard by: ooga booga

Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ketchup lover

That’s What We’re All Talking About

Middle-aged man: So they say to me, ‘Ken, just because you have that gun on us doesn’t make you any better than us’.
Friend: Um, yeah.
Middle-aged man: And I said to them, ‘That’s what I’m talking about, man, that’s what I’m talking about!’

–Delancey St.

Overheard by: cityrag.com

Scariest Overheard Ever

Train Staffer #1: Did you do that terrorism training yet?
Train Staffer #2: No. I’m trying to avoid it.
Train Staffer #1: Yeah. I already missed the first one.

–PATH Train

Oddly, She’s the World’s Biggest Menorah

Nun #1: The lady who is the Statue of Liberty is Catholic.
Nun #2: Someone told me she was Muslim, but I think they were just trying to keep it safe from airplane attacks.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Joseph Lo Cascio

Hmm, I Wonder Where It Was Headed?

Girl ballerina: Have you seen The Taking of Pelham 123?
Boy ballerina: No. What is that about?
Girl: It's like… about two guys who hijack a 6 train.

–L Train

Overheard by: desmond barro

Frankly, We're Surprised Disney World Hasn't Turned Them Into a Ride.

Little kid: You never take me anywhere!
Mom: How can you say that to me? We went to the Prospect Park Zoo last weekend. You've been to Disney World!
Little kid: You never took me to the Twin Towers.
Mom: 9/11 happened two weeks before you were born.
Little kid: See!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

…According to the Daily Scramble in The Crackpot Times

African-American preacher: Everybody singing about Obama. Obaaaaammma. Obaaaaaaama. Obama ain't black, learn the truth, Obama is Al-Qaeda. Obama is Muslim. You know how Obama got them black man lips from smoking them Marlboro cigarettes.
Traditionally-dressed African-American man: You don't know what you're talking about, motherfucker. You were brainwashed by the white man.
African-American preacher: That's racist! The bible doesn't see in black and white. Obama's a homo! Obama's a baby killer!

–2 Train

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