Girl: Wait, is today September 11th?
Guy: Yeah, why?
Girl: Oh, my friend’s Vietnamese restaurant opens tomorrow!

–Waverly & Broadway

Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you.

The train pulls away.

Old lady: Fuckhead.

–23rd Street F station 

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid‐50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand‐banana

Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20‐something: It’s called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Little boy in stroller playing with toy car: Bomb! It’s a bomb!
Mom, wagging finger: It’s not a bomb, sweetie. Don’t say that.
Little boy: It’s a bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
Mom: Stop that!
Little boy: We have a bomb! Play with the bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!

–Manhattan‐bound 3 train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Broker #1: There was a suicide attack in Israel yesterday.
Broker #2: How many people died?
Broker #1: Luckily, only three. They did it in a resort town in the South called Eilat.
Broker #2: They probably did that to get away with it.
Broker #1: It’s a suicide attack. They don’t get away with it, they get blown to pieces.

–Office, Chrysler Building

Overheard by: BoredBroker

Security agent holding bottle of Axe body spray: You can’t take this in your carry‐on bag.
Guy: Why not?
Agent: Because of new Homeland Security regulations.
Guy: When did this happen?
Agent: Have you been living under a rock?


Overheard by: Jason

Guy #1: I mean, imagine setting up a car bomb in Times Square, the most populated place in the world and then running away.
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s terrible.
Guy #1: I mean, say what you want about suicide bombers, but they give it their all…

–1 Train

Teacher to student: You don’t look like a golfer; you look like a terrorist.

–Brooklyn Tech

Flyer guy: No one goes to those run‐of‐the‐mill Broadway shows on a Saturday night! The only people going to them is the Bin Laden family, and you don’t want to sit next to them. They’ll blow you to smithereens!

–Times Square

Overheard by: annahj

Young kid, about fireworks nearby: Look, Mommy! They’re planning a terrorist attack!

–13th & 2nd

Dude: Prisons are nice, man. I’d rather go to prison than be out here with the terrorists! it’s safer in prison.

–Court & Livingston, Brooklyn

Overheard by: cary

Scruffy man to another, walking by where a food cart usually is: Hey, that food cart ain’t there?
Other man: You eat there! That’s supporting terrorists!
Scruffy man: So! That shit’s cheap!

–Post Office, 33rd St