Middle-aged lady #1: I just caught him masturbating!
Middle-aged lady #2: In the show?
–Ladies Room, Gershwin Theater
Middle-aged lady #1: I just caught him masturbating!
Middle-aged lady #2: In the show?
–Ladies Room, Gershwin Theater
Daughter: Belle looks so beautiful.
Dad: I think your mom is prettier.
Mom: Oh, thanks, honey.
Guy behind them: Someone wants to get laid tonight.
—Beauty and the Beast showing
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl: It smells like vagina.
Guy: No, it smells like vaseline or something.
Girl: Really? It smells like ass.
–Radio City
Overheard by:
Girl #1: Wait, so vampires can get mortals pregnant?
Boy: Mmm-hmm.
Girl #2: Yep. Vampires can get mortals pregnant, but mortals can't get vampires pregnant, because vampires just can't get pregnant at all.
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Clueless Bystander
Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!
–D Train
Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa
Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?
–E 90th St
Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"
–Houston & Orchard
Overheard by: j
Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.
–E 4th St & Lafayette
Overheard by: amanda
Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!
–2nd Ave & 94th St
Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.
–Broadway & Chambers St
Overheard by: Carolyn S
Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!
–Winter Gardens
Hipster guy: I'm really glad your vagina decided to stop throwing up!
Girl: I know! I saved $600 on abortion fees!
–AMC Theatre, 42nd St
Fag hag scanning seats during intermission: Oooh, look at that queen up there!
Queer: Girl, that’s no queen! He’s from Long Island.
—High Fidelity show
Clueless girl: Wait, is Rent about AIDS?
Slightly less clueless girl: Yeah.
Clueless girl: Oh, shit! Now I get it!
–LIRR Train
Overheard by: c
Tracheotomy lady in wheelchair: Nita, the car’s here. The car’s here, Nita — get off the phone! [Cousin Nita tries to hang up wall phone, but misses.] You’re so lame, Nita.
–Lucille Lortel Theatre
Old lady #1: I'm glad I live so near the subway.
Old lady #2: Yes, because it's so easy to get wet nowadays.
–Outside Nederlander Theater, W 41st St
Overheard by: Willo
