Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa

Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"

–Houston & Orchard

Overheard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Overheard by: amanda

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broadway & Chambers St

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!

–Winter Gardens

Hipster guy: I'm really glad your vagina decided to stop throwing up!
Girl: I know! I saved $600 on abortion fees!

–AMC Theatre, 42nd St

Fag hag scanning seats during intermission: Oooh, look at that queen up there!
Queer: Girl, that’s no queen! He’s from Long Island.

High Fidelity show

Clueless girl: Wait, is Rent about AIDS?
Slightly less clueless girl: Yeah.
Clueless girl: Oh, shit! Now I get it!

–LIRR Train

Overheard by: c

Tracheotomy lady in wheelchair: Nita, the car’s here. The car’s here, Nita — get off the phone! [Cousin Nita tries to hang up wall phone, but misses.] You’re so lame, Nita.

–Lucille Lortel Theatre

Old lady #1: I'm glad I live so near the subway.
Old lady #2: Yes, because it's so easy to get wet nowadays.

–Outside Nederlander Theater, W 41st St

Overheard by: Willo

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.

–Nederlander Theatre

Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn

Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eve

Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?
Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.
Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil-A.

–Restroom, Lunt-Fontanne Theatre

Overheard by: Not eating at Chick-Fil-A anymore

Young man with wife: Excuse me, miss, do you mind moving over one so we can sit together?
Angry black woman: No, no, no, no. I paid to be here, I can sit wherever I damn well please!
Man overhearing conversation: What is your problem, lady?
Angry black woman: Shut up! I can do whatever I want! I paid to be here!
Young man: I curse you, lady!
Angry black woman: What? You curse me? You can't curse me! You ain't god! You ain't nothin'! Well guess what, I reverse the curse on you, fool!

–Loews Theatre, 42nd St

Tourist woman #1: I don’t understand why people are laughing at everything the characters say.
Tourist woman #2: I know! I think most people are just getting most of the jokes late.

Spamalot, Shubert Theatre

Overheard by: sara