Lady #1: Unlike our daughter, she got lucky.
Lady #2: How so?
Lady #1: Our daughter had to pay to go to college. She got a scholarship because her father died.

–Jacobs Theatre, W. 45th Street

[Just before the curtain rises on the opera Carmen.]Guy: Do you know the show?
Girl: Uh-uh.
Guy: It’s sooo sad. Like Rent.
Girl: Oooh. Wow.

–The Met

Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That's how scared he was.

–107th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that's totally worse than them biting you.

–Majestic Theater

Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Todd Fletcher

Girl on cell: No, you can't go! I'm too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Supermarket, Astoria

Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Alex

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise.

–PATH Train

Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!"

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine.

–E 11th St

Overheard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"!

–Bedford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Borders, Wall St

Overheard by: step

Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Outside Barrymore Theatre

Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

Comedy club promoter: Hey, you guys want free beers and some laughs?
Teen tourists’ chaperone: They’re underage.
Comedy club promoter: How about free sodas and a few giggles?

–Outside Hilton Theatre

Overheard by: Amused Teenage Tourist

Lady: Oh my god, I’ve heard this song before!
Patron: It’s all ABBA music, jackass.

Mamma Mia, Winter Garden Theatre

Overheard by: Todd

Mom: Honey, what's the matter?
Girl: Am I going to turn green for being a bad girl too?
Mom: Honey, I was just kidding about that!

–Gershwin Theater

Overheard by: Rogue

Woman: How do we know where it is?
Man: That guy said it's at the end of the street.
Woman: Yeah, well, where does the street end?

–Outside of St James Theatre

Overheard by: howdumbareyou

Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.

Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St

Renthead #1: He wasn't *that* bad as Roger.
Renthead #2: Weren't you drunk last time you saw him?
Renthead #1: Yeah. That's probably why. When I'm drunk I'm more like “Oh, his hair's shiny,” rather than “Wow, he has no emotion.”
Renthead #2: His hair is shiny. (pause) Next time he's on as Roger, let's get drunk.

–Nederlander Theatre