Desi kid #1: Shit I didn’t know Brooklyn was this advanced.
Desi kid #2: Isn’t that the Water Street dorm?
Desi kid #1: Oh yeah…
Desi kid #2: We didn’t quite make it off Manhattan, it seems.
–Water St
Overheard by: Innocenti
Desi kid #1: Shit I didn’t know Brooklyn was this advanced.
Desi kid #2: Isn’t that the Water Street dorm?
Desi kid #1: Oh yeah…
Desi kid #2: We didn’t quite make it off Manhattan, it seems.
–Water St
Overheard by: Innocenti
Voice over PA: This train will not be continuing and we need to evacuate the train. There is a car in the station so we are going to have everyone walk forward.
Guy #1: There’s a car in the station?!
Guy #2: Yeah, a car from this train…
Guy #1: Oh, thank GOD! I thought someone really fucked up.
–Manhattan-bound F, stopped just short of East Broadway Stop
Overheard by: That Guy
A flight attendant on an Atlanta to NYC plane is attempting to communicate with two Israeli twentysomethings in broken Spanish.
Flight attendant to Israeli guy: Sir, por favor, sit down. If no sit, I will telephonar el capitan and he will have to turn off el engine. It will take una hora to get to the gate if that happens.
Guy: I don’t speak Spanish.
Flight attendant: What?
Guy: I don’t speak Spanish. Speak English!
Flight attendant: Fine. Sir, please take a seat. The fasten seatbelt sign is still lit. If you do not sit down, I will have to call el capitan.
–Landing strip
Man: Do you think a minute is the same in Egypt as it is in New York?
Woman: I guess so, I don’t know.
Man: ‘Cause you know that song “In a New York Minute,” I think a minute is different here. It’s probably shorter.
–American Airlines terminal, JFK
Getting on the crowded E at rush hour, a couple from Long Island forces into the train as the doors are closing.
Long Island woman: Come on people, make some room. [To companion] Can you imagine what it’s like in that city in Asia, in China I think, what’s it called?
Long Island dude: Japan?
Long Island woman: Yeah, Japan, that’s the city! They push you into the cars there!
Random suit: You mean like you just pushed all of us?!
–5th Ave E station
Overheard by: Greg the E train rider
Girl #1: Man, it sucks our TA is going to Libya.
Girl #2: Actually, she’s going to Liberia.
Girl #1: Oh, what’s the difference?
Girl #2: Well, Libya’s in the North part, near the Middle East and Liberia’s on the Western part where it starts to curve.
Girl #1: You mean near Chile?
–Cantor Film Center, East 8th Street
Overheard by: I can’t believe I go to school with these people
Conductor #1: I have to head back to check out a problem.
Conductor #2: What’s the problem?
Conductor #1: Apparently some guy is masturbating in his seat.
Conductor #3: Could you two please switch to another channel?
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Steve Ross
Chick #1: So she’s in San Francisco and can’t decide if she likes it enough to move there, so she makes a list of pros and cons.
Chick #2: What are the cons?
Chick #1: Well, the first one is, “too many Asians”.
–Cafe Centosette, 2nd Avenue
Teen boy #1: Yo, why the fuck these niggas keep getting on? Ain’t no room for them.
Teen boy #2: Next bus! Next bus, please!
Teen boy #1: Ugh, what the fuck, man? What they gonna do, climb up people’s ass?
Teen boy #3: The bus driver should tell them to move back.
Teen boy #1: Pssh, that shit don’t work.
Teen boy #3: Naw man, it does. Last time on the school bus, the driver was like, “Stop playin’, niggas.” For real, that’s what he said.
–Q13 bus
Store guy: Ha! Nice scooter.
Girl: At least I don’t work at Foot Locker, asshole.
Store guy: At least I don’t wear plaid and play lesbian softball.
–Delancey & Allen
