Getting on the crowded E at rush hour, a couple from Long Island forces into the train as the doors are closing.
Long Island woman: Come on people, make some room. [To companion] Can you imagine what it’s like in that city in Asia, in China I think, what’s it called?
Long Island dude: Japan?
Long Island woman: Yeah, Japan, that’s the city! They push you into the cars there!
Random suit: You mean like you just pushed all of us?!
–5th Ave E station
Overheard by: Greg the E train rider
Girl #1: Man, it sucks our TA is going to Libya.
Girl #2: Actually, she’s going to Liberia.
Girl #1: Oh, what’s the difference?
Girl #2: Well, Libya’s in the North part, near the Middle East and Liberia’s on the Western part where it starts to curve.
Girl #1: You mean near Chile?
–Cantor Film Center, East 8th Street
Overheard by: I can’t believe I go to school with these people
Conductor #1: I have to head back to check out a problem.
Conductor #2: What’s the problem?
Conductor #1: Apparently some guy is masturbating in his seat.
Conductor #3: Could you two please switch to another channel?
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Steve Ross
Chick #1: So she’s in San Francisco and can’t decide if she likes it enough to move there, so she makes a list of pros and cons.
Chick #2: What are the cons?
Chick #1: Well, the first one is, “too many Asians”.
–Cafe Centosette, 2nd Avenue
Teen boy #1: Yo, why the fuck these niggas keep getting on? Ain’t no room for them.
Teen boy #2: Next bus! Next bus, please!
Teen boy #1: Ugh, what the fuck, man? What they gonna do, climb up people’s ass?
Teen boy #3: The bus driver should tell them to move back.
Teen boy #1: Pssh, that shit don’t work.
Teen boy #3: Naw man, it does. Last time on the school bus, the driver was like, “Stop playin’, niggas.” For real, that’s what he said.
–Q13 bus
Store guy: Ha! Nice scooter.
Girl: At least I don’t work at Foot Locker, asshole.
Store guy: At least I don’t wear plaid and play lesbian softball.
–Delancey & Allen
WASP man: Yeah. I suffered in jail for 16 years with my first wife. My second wife died of cancer after 5 years. I’ve been married to this one a year and a half…Two out of three’s not bad; if this were baseball, I’d be making a mint.
–A train
Overheard by: Lia
Promoter guy: This your first time at the Empire State Building?
Dude: Yeah, it is.
Promoter guy: Cool. Where are you from?
Dude: Native New Yorker.
Promoter guy: I don’t want to talk to you.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Tourist chick: So far the experiences have all been good!
Cop #1: How long you been here?
Cop #2: About 5 minutes?
Cop #1: You just wait…
–Rector Street 1 station
Guy #1: You should feel honored to live in New Jersey.
Guy #2: I like living in Jersey. It just really sucks commuting here every day.
Guy #1: It’s like the Jews being kosher. It’s the price you pay for being chosen.
–12th & 5th
