Wednesday One-Liners Have a Wardrobe Malfunction

Young professional woman, trying in vain to flag a cab uptown: I should have worn something sluttier today.

–25th & Park

Overheard by: Mike S

Business woman: All I need are some pasties, Daisy Dukes, and some four-inch heels. Then I’ll get a promotion.

–43rd & Lex

Overheard by: I thought that she worked in an office

Girl: The place is Salsa-ey, so dress a little slutty.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Ronnie Q

Tween girl in hot-pants and tight shirt: I can’t buy that. My mom doesn’t let me wear baggy clothes.

–Target, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Chick: I want hooker boots… but not in the heels. I want flats.

–Hunter College

Conservative guy: The second smartest person in this country is Ann Coulter. And let me tell you, she looks good in a pair of tight pants and Manolos at 2:30 in the morning.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Stupid Liberal Hottie

Chick on cell: Well, then I don’t feel so bad about going in a little vinyl skirt if you’re just going to be wearing underwear.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Fashion, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hunter, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Tweens, Yuppies

Now Let’s Kiss and Make Up

Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.

–Elizabeth & Mott

Overheard by: stephin’ out

Posted on September 28, 2006
Fag Hags, Insults, Lower East Side, Queers, Street, Tweens

Silicone Jelly

Kinderslut #1: You wanna know the secret to having big boobs?
Kinderslut #2: Fuck, yes, you know how flat-chested I am!
Kinderslut #1: Mom and I are very well endowed, so I asked her if it was genetic or something else.
Kinderslut #2: And?
Kinderslut #1: Peanut butter.
Kinderslut #2: You’re shittin’ me! Are you sure?
Kinderslut #1: Yes! I’ve been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all my life. So has my mom, and you see.
Kinderslut #2: Could be the jelly.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: angie

Posted on September 19, 2006
Food, Penn Station, Rack, Stupidity, Tweens

They’ve Got to Be at Least Two Apiece

Tween girl: Is this sleepwear for fat people or regular people?
Mother: Honey, fat people are regular people.
Tween girl: Whatever.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: A regular person

Posted on September 3, 2006
Diet/Weight, Store, Tweens

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Behind

Brooklyn guy: All I’m sayin’ is it goes without sayin’.

–Brooklyn bound D train

Overheard by: Robert Barry Francos

Hoochie on cell: I don’t want that. I’m looking for sauce. Sauce sauce sauce sauce sauce! S-A-U-S-C-E. Sauce!

–Waldbaum’s, Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Liz the Overheardista

Teen girl: Do you think Christmas will ever be on Friday the 13th?

–Times Square

Woman in elevator: She said 13…Where’s 13? What the… fuck? There’s no 13. Should I press 12? Or 14? What?…She said 13. Well I’ll just press both.

–22nd & Broadway

Overheard by: staring at the button for 13

Elderly woman, regarding painting: Would you look at the detail he put into this. It almost looks two dimensional.

–The Met

Overheard by: s.gothman

Tween boy: Did the dinosaurs come before or after Bible times?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Omg! He did not just ask that!

Posted on August 16, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Arts & Letters, Bimbettes, Elevators, Food, Grocery Stores, History & Geography, Holidays, Hootchies, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Times Square, Tweens, Words

From Road Warrior and Braveheart to The Passion IS a Tragedy

Tweeny future emo boy: The fucking problem with Hamlet is that the real tragedy is Laertes, not the goddamn Prince of Denmark.
Tweeny future fag hag girl: It’s the tragedy of the Prince of Denmark. That’s what it’s called.
TFE boy: Hamlet kills the guy’s father, sister, and then him. Who has the real tragedy?
TFFH girl: Mel Gibson?

–Outside Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Marc

Posted on August 5, 2006
Books & Writing, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Only Childless People Will Be Shocked By This

Tween boy: Mom! Let’s go already!
Mom: If you’re so bored, go play in traffic.

–Victoria’s Secret, Lincoln Center

Posted on July 13, 2006
Moms, Shopping, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Little Does He Know His Buddy Is an Alec Guinness Maniac

Tween boy #1: Do you want to rent Madagascar?
Tween boy #2: No, I’ve seen it.
Tween boy #1: So?
Tween boy #2: I don’t like watching movies I’ve seen already.
Tween boy #1: How about Ice Age?
Tween boy #2: Seen it.
Tween boy #1, to video clerk: Do you have Bridge Over the River Kwai?

–video store, Carroll Gardens

Posted on July 1, 2006
Film, Store, Tweens

Wednesday One-Liners’ New Fall Line

Tween to her mom: Oh look, it’s those shoes you can eat! Wait, can you eat them? Oh, no, these aren’t the edible ones.

–Payless, Upper West Side

Overheard by: embarrassed to have been in payless

Posted on May 10, 2006
Clothing, Food, One-liners, Store, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Tweens