The Best I Can Do Is Hostile Humming

Hot girl #1: He was into weird shit.
Hot girl #2: Like what?
Hot girl #1: Well, nothing too crazy. Just unusual stuff. Like, he liked me to say degrading things to him as I was blowing him. If it wasn't sufficiently degrading he couldn't get off.
Hot girl #2: That is weird.
Hot girl #1: Yeah, and I mean, for one, I'm not really comfortable with that; and second, it's really hard to talk with a dick in your mouth.
Hot girl #2, seriously: Totally.

–Wine Bar, East Village

Overheard by: I've noticed this too.

Posted on November 29, 2010
Bimbettes, BJs, Hootchies, Offers and requests, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

The Prince Of Darknesss Looked Exactly Like Donald Trump

Customer: So, what casino did you go to?
Clerk: The Taj Mahell.

–Smoke Shop, East Village

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on November 10, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Names, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners, in Brief.

Man eating ice cream while trying to walk: Beanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeano.

–49th St and 7th Ave Station

Man dressed in green unitard, running in circles: Augghhhhhhhhhh!!! Aughhhhhhhhhh!! Aughhhhhhh!!!!

–Union Square

Moviegoer, after preview for The Blind Side: Blerrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (vomiting noises, then audience erupts in laughter)

–Regal Battery Park Stadium Movie Theater

Teenage boy, taking gum out of his pocket and looking at it: Scrotum! (puts gum back in pocket and walks away)

–95th St & Madison

Overheard by: Confused

Posted on November 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Crazies, Food, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, One-liners, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Christine

Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Joe

Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.

–Park Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!

–Times Square

Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!

–Catherine St & Madison St

Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!

–Watering Hole, E 19th St

Posted on November 3, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Street, Suits, Teens, Threats, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Eat at Friendly's

Mother to four-year-old making loud, weird noises in stroller: Will you shut up? See… That's why you don't have any friends.

–Supermarket, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: George O.

Woman on cell: She put my friendship on the line for a Chanel bag! (pause) So I guess I'm worth like, $600 dollars.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Kade

Angry woman to man: You had to fuck my friend?! You couldn't think of a better place to put your dick?

–Elevator, 75 Wall St

Overheard by: Jonathan

Seated guy to standing woman: I was out drinking with a friend. Well, less of a friend and more my parole officer…

–L Train

Overheard by: Bradburnside

Suit to woman: I don't believe in friends, ya know?

–22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Edyna

Posted on October 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Fashion, Friendship, Grocery Stores, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Starbucks, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I Got Your Wednesday One-Liner– Swingin'

Skinny obnoxious blonde: Sheryl had a shirt that said "I love Wayne's dick." And I was like "Sheryl, why are you wearing that to the outback?"

–AMC Movie Theater

Girl to guy: Epic fail, you have a non-working dick.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Guy on cell: Hello, this is sweet dick. Can I speak to tight pussy?

–West Village

Man to another: So last night, I was playing with my dick, and…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dusty F.

Man on cell: He don't answer to "Leon" no more. He is now "Dick Dastardly."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Muttley

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Men, Movie Theaters, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Sex, Skinny People, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

“Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Wednesday One-Liners!”

NYU student to another: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you wouldn't enjoy it as an adult.

–University Place & 12th St

Hobo, pointing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own salad for $8.95.

–23rd and 3rd

Overheard by: Nicole Shipman

Suit shouting into cell: Eggplant! Eggplant! Jesus Christ, what is so fucking hard about eggplant?!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Subway preacher: I like vegetables! You gotta eat them so you can live. I like to put vegetables in my mouth. I like the way they taste!

–N Train

Guy to another: Take the pickle, because by god if someone else does and you don't get it, well, you'll be pickle-less and that's not ideal.

–125th St

Overheard by: Brian K.

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Education, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Preachers, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Tiny-One-Liners

Girl to boyfriend: Two years ago I saw your penis under a bright blue light. And it was small.

–Penn Station

Black guy to black friend: Her father does not want his daughter marrying someone from another race. What, is he scared that the kid will come out black and have a big nose? I'll tell you one thing–he'll have a big dick.

–Bowery & 1st St

Overheard by: Zach B

Man to girl beside him: Mine isn't that big. But it's big enough for what I need it for.

–6th Ave & 9th St

Girl to friend: He had a big penis. It scared me.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: s0uthard

Young teenage boy to another: You're telling me you have an 8.5 inch dick and you don't touch it?

–M21 Bus

Overheard by: zaarah

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fears, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Hunter, Marriage, Masturbation, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Race, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

…According to the Latest Balanced Report from Fox News.

Guy #1: Has Mark* confirmed that he's coming?
Guy #2: I dunno, I haven't checked Facebook in a while.
Passerby: That's cuz you're gay.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: casey

Posted on October 8, 2010
Comebacks, Facebook, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

As a Hologram-American, I Get That a Lot.

Street fair psychic to sorority girls walking by: Hello, ladies. Can I interest you in a psychic reading? Tarot cards? Palm reading?
Sorority girl: I'm sorry, I don't believe in psychics.
Street fair psychic: Well, I don't believe in you!

–Union Square

Posted on October 7, 2010
Comebacks, Psychic, Sorority Girls, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Union Square and East Village