Jew: She’s been on dates with 87 guys from JDate? Eighty-seven?!
Jewess: Yeah, her therapist told her that she can’t complain about guys from JDate again until she’s been on 100 dates with guys from JDate, and now she’s really excited for the last 13 so she can start complaining about them again.
–Stay, East Village
Woman, screaming into her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER. I DON’T WANT TO DISTURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BYE.
–Union Square Park
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
Black street dealer: Coke? Weed, my brotha?
Desi dude: I’m not black, I’m Indian, my nigga.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Innocent XXX
Girl on cell: Mom, of course I’m not going to be there on Monday. It’s Columbus Day. Co-lum-bus. It’s a holiday.
–Broadway & 13th
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Drunk girl #1: Call me tomorrow morning and tell me how you feel!
Drunk girl #2: I'll be just fine cuz I just made out with Travis.
–19th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: k
Sorostitute #1: … And I was like, ‘Uhhh!’ And she was like ‘Uhhh!’ And of course he wanted to come back to the apartment.
Sorostitute #2: Oh my god, I know!
–7th & 1st, East Village
Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"
–Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: The City Planner
Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?
–1st Ave & 6th St
Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BPV
Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."
–96th & Columbus Ave
[“Umbrella” by rihanna is being loudly played.]Stoned gay guy: Oh my god, I love this song. This is totally what you hear before you start shooting kids in the projects.
Gay guy: Uh, excuse me?
Stoned gay guy: Yeah. You know, it’s like your pump-up jam.
–E 10th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dying of laughter
Chick #1: Did you eat anything tonight?
Chick #2: No. I haven’t been eating much lately, but not in the unhealthy way.
–Bowery & Spring
