Employee: Welcome to Staples! Can I help you find something?
Lucky guy: Yeah, actually — staples.
–Staples, Union Square
Employee: Welcome to Staples! Can I help you find something?
Lucky guy: Yeah, actually — staples.
–Staples, Union Square
Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a second.
He leans over and throws up on the sidewalk.
Guy on cell: What were you saying?
–59th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff Hubbard
Woman #1: I wanna get really stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.
–LIRR
Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.
–Broadway & West 4th
Overheard by: Julia
Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt
Six-year-old girl: Wow! Look at those go-go boots. The East Village is so multi-cultural.
Her father: You think so? It’s mostly rich, white people now.
–East 7th St
Girl #1: Stuart kissed me full on the mouth.
Girl #2: Did he mean it?
Girl #1: He said it was an accident; he was going for my cheek.
Girl #2: That happened to me once when I was kissing my father.
–St. Marks Place
Jew: She’s been on dates with 87 guys from JDate? Eighty-seven?!
Jewess: Yeah, her therapist told her that she can’t complain about guys from JDate again until she’s been on 100 dates with guys from JDate, and now she’s really excited for the last 13 so she can start complaining about them again.
–Stay, East Village
Woman, screaming into her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER. I DON’T WANT TO DISTURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BYE.
–Union Square Park
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
Black street dealer: Coke? Weed, my brotha?
Desi dude: I’m not black, I’m Indian, my nigga.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Innocent XXX
Girl on cell: Mom, of course I’m not going to be there on Monday. It’s Columbus Day. Co-lum-bus. It’s a holiday.
–Broadway & 13th
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
