Wednesday One-liners are a Special Area

Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!

–6th Avenue & 9th Street

Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.

–43rd & 5th

Overheard by: James Wilson

Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.

–Port Authority

Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.

–4 train

Overheard by: LatiE

Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”

–38th & 3rd

Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.

–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street

Overheard by: SKG

Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.

–25th & 5th

Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson

Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.

–50th & Madison

Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!

–SI party

Overheard by: Rebecca Dash

Posted on August 14, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Circumcision, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Penis, People, Places, Port Authority, Private Parts, Sex, Staten Island, The Village, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

The Mother of All Wednesday One-liners

Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?

–1st Avenue & 10th Street

Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?

–47th & 9th

Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.

–Brooklyn Heights

Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.

–F train

Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Vic Payback

Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?

–LIRR

Overheard by: CMichaels

Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Posted on August 12, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Condoms, Elevators, Etiquette, Fashion, Guidos, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

Posted on August 11, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Computer, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fashion, Favorites, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Topics, TV, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

The Waitress Served Her, and Then Served Her Food

Waitress: Do you want the pierogies boiled or fried?
Lady: What’s the difference?
Waitress: One’s boiled, one’s fried.

–Veselka, 2nd Avenue & 9th Street

Posted on August 6, 2025
Food, Ladies Who Lunch, Union Square and East Village, Waitresses

Man Oh Man, I Hope This Doesn’t Jinx Ours…

Russian woman: She’s doing very well. Her book is doing well. She’s already sold a lot of books.
American woman: That’s great! That must be so exciting!
Russian woman: Yes, she has already sold ten or twenty, I think.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Diana

Posted on August 1, 2025
Books & Writing, Foreigners, Union Square and East Village

The Burning Sensation She Already Had in Stock

Girl #1: Ugh! He gave me the biggest hickey on one of my tits! Gross!
Girl #2: Well, at least it was a hickey and not a burning sensation when you pee!

–Union Square

Posted on July 29, 2025
Bimbettes, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Kink, Rack, STDs, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–Central Park

Overheard by: alec

Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Glynnis

Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack

Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.

–Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Posted on July 20, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Central Park, Drunks, Food, Hobos, Idiots, On Cell, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weather

Crazy in the Head, Crazy in the Bed

Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: emdashes

Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.

–St. Mark’s Place