Southern tourist woman to waitress: You don't take credit cards? Where are we?
Drunk New Yorker at other table: You're at JG Melon!
(table cheers)
–74th & 3rd
Southern tourist woman to waitress: You don't take credit cards? Where are we?
Drunk New Yorker at other table: You're at JG Melon!
(table cheers)
–74th & 3rd
Old lady walking with tiny dog, arm extended: Taxi! Taxi! Goddamn it! Taxi! We have to get out of here now! Taxi!
Nearby doorman: I'll hail you a cab, ma'am.
Old lady: You shut your dirty mouth!
–64th & York
Overheard by: Nora
Coworker chick #1: Do you guys remember [Becky Thatcher]?
Coworker girl crowd: Yes!
Coworker chick #1: Well, I waited on her once!
Coworker chick #2: Yo, did you ask her why she burned down that float?
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja
Yuppie: “And I thought, why are you climbing down a hole if you’re wearing a $2,500 shirt?”
— Upper East Side
Young girl #1: The guy hasn’t called me in, like, a week…
Young girl #2: His loss.
Young girl #1: But I didn’t even get to hook up with him!
–86th & 2nd
Overheard by: MattyG
Nine-year-old girl: Mom, that kitten is so cute! Can we get a kitten?
Mother: Honey, I know it's cute, but we have to take care of the two cats we already have.
Nine-year-old girl: No, I know. I mean when they die.
–Veterinarian Waiting Room, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Ben A
Chick: So where in Iowa are you from?
–UES
Woman: …I am just trying to figure out why you thought it was okay for you to pack for a weekend at my parents’ home, in a backpack.
Man: What’s wrong with my backpack? You know I don’t own an overnight bag.
Woman: How can your only alternative be a fucking backpack? You can’t understand how that would be embarrassing for me? Jesus, Adrian, you’re 37 years old and you’re still traveling with a backpack?
–70th & 3rd
Overheard by: K. Bumsted
Boyfriend: Hey, you can't use my umbrella anymore!
Girlfriend: Fine, then you can't use my face cream.
–Food Emporium, 86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Drew Gutstein
Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!
–Wall Street Bull
Overheard by: oh tourists
Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Colin
Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.
–97th St & Madison Ave
Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.
–Heath St & 231st St
Overheard by: Km
Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?
–W 148th & Broadway
