Vagina

The End Of Western Civilization: An OINY Short Story.

Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “retards” and there was this one called “retarded Britney Spears fan.” It was a retard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two seconds of it before I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “extreme pain”? I could only watch about five seconds of it. A guy was cutting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That's some sick shit. How's your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her between the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eating pussy.” You'll get a million hits!

–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Because Real Blow-up Dolls Have Gotten So Expensive

Guy #1: Yo, did you just check out the vagina on that mannequin?
Guy #2: Yeah, is that weird?
Guy #1: Nah, I did too.

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: alex

Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk

Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?

–Starbucks, Sheridan Square

Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…

–Downtown 6 Train

Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!

–49th St, Astoria

Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!

–116th St

Jelly Roll Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: … So she had sex with both Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Kerik? Ewww, I wouldn’t want to be her vagina!

–10 E 53rd St

Overheard by: I thought ewww, too

Fat latina: You mean it don’t shake and jump up and down? Girl, what kinda clit do you have?

–Stanton & Clinton

Old guy sweeping sidewalk: You won’t see me begging for no pussy. No way.

–118th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

Girl in skirt to boy, both standing in the cold: If you could see my undercarriage right now you would see that it’s quivering.

–21st & Broadway

Guy on cell: Yeah, girl. Well, just wait, ’cause I’m gonna terrorize your pussy tonight.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Peter Rice

Lesbian: … So I was like, ‘Fine, bitch. You can shove your own fucking fingers up your own fucking cooch. I’m going to put on my clothes and sit in the corner and change my Facebook status…’

–Restroom, Stuyvesant High School

Teen boy: I ate too much pussy. Now I have pussy poisoning.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: sara swank

Even Better Than Vagemite

Drunk chick #1: I got sandwiches! This one has turkey and Grenada cheese.
Drunk chick #2: Did you just say “vagina cheese”?
Drunk chick #1: No, *Grenada* cheese.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Total Cunt.

Teenager to friend: Well, her name is Alexandra, and I was not hooking up with her…
Random passerby, interrupting: Yeah, that's right, I once knew a girl named pussy!

–West Houston St

Overheard by: nickwe

“…Crap, I think I’m getting my period!”

Guy: Dammit, I forgot my iPod. Fucking cunt.
Girl: What?
Guy: Not you, my freakin’ head.

–Palladium elevator, East 14th Street

Overheard by: Rachel W.

The Global Pussy System Stands Ready to Fulfill Our Most Deviant Desires

Frat boy #1: Dude, let's get some pussy!
Frat boy #2: Where?
Frat boy #1: Use your GPS!

–4th St & MacDougal St

Kids Identify Your Buttons and Push Them without Mercy

Little girl in stall: Vagina!
Mother: Shhh!
Little girl: Vagina!
Mother: Shhh!
Little girl: Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

–Ladies’ room, LaGuardia

Either Way, We're Talking About Small Leather Goods, Right?

Elderly lady #1, window shopping: What did you do with all your Gucci stuff?
Elderly lady #2: Coochie stuff? Why would I have coochie stuff?
Elderly lady #1: No, Gloria, I said “Gucci!”

–60th St b/w Madison & Park Ave

Overheard by: Emily

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