Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: olivejuice

Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lucian

Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: MJB

Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.

–Bowery & 2nd

Posted on November 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Crying, Dads, Diet/Weight, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Latinos, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Staten Island Ferry, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

I'm Getting Kind Of Tired Of Falling Back on That

Trashy Jersey man: That guy is such a jerk to his wife.
Trashy Jersey woman: Yeah, one time I peed myself in his car just to make him mad. I told him, “I just peed in your car.” He was mad.
Trashy Jersey man: That was a good idea. Or you could have busted his face with a bottle.

–2 Train

Posted on November 19, 2015
B & T, Cars and Driving, Gossip, Insults, On the Subway, Pee, Violence, Weirdness

Dear Bonnie, I Just Had to Write

Queer: Yeah, and then she started getting letters telling her how ugly she was…
Fruit flies: Oooh!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Must have been pretty f’ing ugly

Posted on September 11, 2015
Beauty, Fag Hags, Queer guys, Threats, Violence, Washington Square Park

What Kind Of Scam Are You Trying to Pull, Lady?

Sassy black lady on crowded train: Excuse me!
Irritated suit: There's nowhere else to go!
Sassy black lady: No! I bump you! I bump you, so I said “excuse me!”

–Downtown A Train

Posted on September 1, 2015
Apologies, Black People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Suits, Violence

Ah, Childhood

Teenage gang chick with comb in hair: So, my momma sez, so, show me yo’ socks, yo’ shoes…no, the inside of yo’ shoes…and she’s like, take out this blade and this blade and this blade, and I’m like Yo, I need protection! And she’s like Yo, you gots your comb and shit…How does she know this shit?

–A train downtown, 145th st

Posted on August 13, 2015
Harlem & Morningside Heights, On the Subway, Parents, Thugs, Violence

Paging Pat Benatar

Young urban male: He didn’t hit you hard enough.
Young urban female: Yes, he did.
Young urban male: No, he hit you soft. *BAF*
Young urban female: The last time he hit me, he hit me mad hard.

–D Train

Posted on August 11, 2015
Black People, Fighting and ass kicking, On the Subway, Violence

And Any One of Her Stepfathers Who Happens to be Around That Week

Young child: Mom, that girl hit me!
Mom: What? You go back there and punch her back! No one hits my daughter besides me!

–Columbia St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on August 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Parents, Street, Violence

Where the Threshold of Arrest Is Higher

Teen girl #1: I choked that girl.
Teen girl #2: You did what?
Teen girl #1: I choked the bitch.
Teen girl #2: Ok, let’s talk about this when we cross 125th Street.

–2 train, 34th St

Overheard by: dj dradle

Posted on August 7, 2015
Choke, Teens, Violence

They Sure Carved Names for Themselves

Litte boy: Dad, what’s something I can learn?
Dad: Do you know how to use a chainsaw? I can see if I can get the chainsaw working.

–B train

Overheard by: The Bling

Guy #1: How was that class for you? Was it like a war?
Guy #2: For me? It was more like walking through a preschool with a chainsaw.

–181st & Broadway

Posted on August 7, 2015
Manhattan, On the Subway, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

He’s Still Bummed Because of It

Hobo: If anyone messes with you in the office, just take the palm of your hand an shove it into his nose. Once he messes with you he ain’t Jerry from accounting no more; he’s an assailant and the rest of the office will respect and fear you.
Woman: How did your last office job work out?

–L train

Overheard by: JDS

Posted on August 4, 2015
Hobos, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Violence

Violence