Guy #1: I told you we shoulda gone to Manattan.
Guy #2: No way. I don’t see movies in Manhattan.
Guy #1: Why the hell not?
Guy #2: They shoot people there. It’s all silent than someone shouts something and then everyone is shooting. It’s scary.
–In line at Stadium 12, Court Street, Brooklyn
Asian guy: Teddy Roosevelt, there was a man. Out of the days when men could club women over the head and drag them off.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: What I’m saying is — my thesis is — the position I’m taking is — the argument I’m making is — there’s never been a successful matriarchal society.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: Byron “The Whizzer” White! He was a man. He could do it all. Feminism is bullshit. That’s what I love about you. I can’t talk like this around most girls.
Asian chick: Hmm.
–Tony’s Di Napoli, 84th & 2nd
Guy: Damn, I worked so hard this weekend. Mexicans didn’t come out of their hiding holes.
Girl: Hiding holes?
Guy: Stupid immigration shit, I’m going to slap every Republican back to Texas where they can pick their own fruit.
–St. John’s
Guy #1: Yeah, she wouldn’t shut up so I peed on her.
Guy #2: Just what I would have done, bro.
–Central Park
Girl on cell: … a roma tomato, lime… I mean lemon, either one… omigosh, this is the wrong number! [hangs up]
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy: [something in Spanish]… how do you say “altar boy”? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
Hipster chick: I am so glad my ex-boyfriend and I have become friends again. I mean, I know he sued me and everything, but it just feels so good.
–Brooklyn Lyceum
Woman #1: That’s why I don’t go to that church anymore, I don’t want to kick that bitch’s ass in God’s house.
Woman #2: Huh?
Woman #1: Fuck that, I don’t want to go to hell cuz a that bitch, I’d rather fuck her up outside.
–L train, Bedford Ave
Overheard by: HS
Teen girl #1: Here comes Peter Cottontail. . .
Teen girl #2: Hopping up the bunny trail!
Teen girl #1: What the hell? It’s down the bunny trail, you idiot!
Teen girl #2: How am I supposed to know? I was MJ’ed when I was younger.
Teen girl #1: MJ’ed?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, you know, Michael Jacksoned…
Teen girl #1: They molested you?!
Teen girl #2: Yes, they molested me and that’s why I don’t know the words to Peter Cottontail… whorebag.
–M96 bus
Overheard by: TrEeShA
Old man: [hiccups] Old lady: I’ll kill you, dead!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Raychel Tumin
