Large, dreadlocked homeless guy to man with over-stuffed backpack: Yo, what you got in that big-ass bag?
Backpack guy: Nothing good.
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy: Got any marijuana? [As backpack guy nears] Damn, whiteboy! You kinda big… I ain’t gonna fuck with you!
–Near subway entrance, NW Union Square
Overheard by: matt
Old man #1: You know, if someone offered me a joint at a party, I wouldn’t refuse it.
Old man #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–23rd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Lex
Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.
–Bryant Park
Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.
–N train, Queens
Overheard by: Morgan
Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.
–Bar, Lower East Side
Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?
–Houston and Elizabeth
Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’
–20th St & 8th Ave
Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!
–12th St & University Pl
Overheard by: Joe
Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.
–33rd & 7th
Stoner dude #1: Dude, I wonder why they call it ‘Starbucks…’ It’s not, like, in the shape of a star.
Stoner dude #2: I don’t know. Let’s leave and get stoned.
Stoner dude #1: I’m up for that.
–Starbucks
Headline by: nicole
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Get Me Started On the PuPu Platter” – Dank
· “As heard on the floor of the United States House of Representatives” – Syd O
· “Because ‘Queequeg’s’ Just Didn’t Have The Right Ring To It” – Toon
· “But I’m still waiting for my Mary Jane Macchiato” – Jim C.
· “English Majors in Action” – ed
· “Star-glazing” – timmm
· “Stephen Hawking and Stephen Jay Gould: The Early Years” – Russ Wall
· “That Ahab could have used a spliff” – Kevin
· “The coffee’s for my glaucoma, I swear.” – Dave
Guy on bike: You look like you might need some help. [Hands student a business card] I mean, I can help you.
Student: What?
Guy on bike: Uh, ummm, I sell weed.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Mike Schwartz
Black guy #1: Yo man, I hate when it’s fucking raining like this.
Black guy #2: Yeah, that’s why we got this blunt.
Together: Yeah!
–Duane Reade, W 4th
Indian college kid: So, do you smoke pot, or weed?
–West 4th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Dan
Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!
–Houston & Essex
Overheard by: saywhat?
Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…
–R train
Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.
–Bank of America, 6th Ave
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…
–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3
Overheard by: Franco
Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.
–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow
Overheard by: wants to meet the ex
Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?
–14th & 6th
Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!
–80th & 3rd
Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!
–14th St L station
Overheard by: Em
Tall thug, shaking Pepsi bottle: This shit will kill you. See all that acid and artificial coloring. Stays in your stomach.
Short ghetto chick: Yeah, I know, you’re right.
Tall thug: You gotta drink water.
Short ghetto chick: Yeah.
Tall thug: See, me, I smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot of water.
–4 Train, 59th Street
Boy 1: Hey, what was that Exodus story about the burning bush? You know, didn’t God give him something?
Boy 2: Yeah, God gave him the holy weed, and he smoked it.
–F train
Overheard by: Fareeda
