Wednesday One-Liners Ain't Got the Money, Honey

Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.

–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn

Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!

–Staten Island Ferry

Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!

–Chambers & West St

Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.

–25th St & 7th Ave

Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Posted on April 17, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fashion, Food, Friends, Height, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Puerto Ricans, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Teens, The Village, Thievery, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

Posted on November 25, 2018
Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Idiots, Insults, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stoners, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners, the Play

British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please.

–Bowling Green station

Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale

Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny.

–Grand Central station

Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore!

–34th & Broadway

Posted on November 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Insults, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Punch, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed

No — The Bong.

Girl #1: So I like, panicked, and I ate it.
Girl #2: You ate the weed?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: E

Posted on September 10, 2018
Fears, Girls, Park Slope, Weed, Weirdness

She Sells Him the Weed and Beer

Man: I think going to the gym really helps me get rid of stress.
Woman: And smoking pot. And the drinking.
Man: Yeah, well… Oh, and you — you’re at the top of the list.

–7th Avene, Park Slope

Posted on September 8, 2018
Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Men, Park Slope, Weed, White People

The Day Mombolu Changed Professions

Talkative hobo, seeing woman holding papers about Africa: What's up in Africa? You don't look African.
Dignified woman: I used to work in Angola.
Talkative hobo: That's the best kind of job to have, where they pay to send you all over the world. Damn, I bet it costs $2000 to fly to Angola if you were paying for it out of your own pocket.
Dignified woman: Actually, it costs more than that. It's about $4000 to fly to Angola and back from here.
Talkative hobo: Holy shit! $4000 to fly to Angola and back? Do you know how much weed I could buy for $4000? I could sit my ass in the park all day and smoke myself to death! Damn!

–1 Train

Posted on July 12, 2018
Death, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Questions, Strangers, Travel, Weed, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on November 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

His Next Move Was to Ask a Friendly Police Officer Where He Could Procure Some

Foreigner, showing bong: And here is what I bought today.
Ghetto kid: Yeah, whatcha gonna put in there? Tobacco?
Foreigner: Yes, I put the tobacco in here. The tobacco.
Ghetto kid: No, man. You gotta put some weed in there. You ever heard of weed?
Foreigner: Weed? No…weed? I don’t understand.
Ghetto kid: Get some weed. You put a little weed in there, smoke it up, and you’re set.
Foreigner: Yes, thank you. Weed.

–Brooklyn bound B train

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Posted on September 7, 2017
Foreigners, On the Subway, Thugs, Weed

I Give Her 2 Months

Teenage girl #1: Oh come on. Just try weed. It’s not that big of a deal.
Teenage girl #2: That’s one line I’ll never cross. That and sucking dick.

–4 train

Posted on November 26, 2015
BJs, On the Subway, Philosophy, Teens, Weed

Also Why They Bathe Together.

Asian stoner #1: He was whitish. Wait, no, he was white. He and his brother both smoke pot and his parents do too. They even smoke together some times.
Asian stoner #2: So they, like, smoke together and stuff?
Asian stoner #1: Yeah, it's a good way to save money.

–B6, Brooklyn

Overheard by: laughing to himself

Posted on November 16, 2015
Asians, Brooklyn, Family Ties, Money & Class, Race, Stoners, Weed