Women

Woman #1: So our department keeps talking about how much they are trying to promote diversity and understanding of others, but get this, two weeks ago they put up garlands over the door! Like, that is so disrespectful to other religions! It gets better though, the next day they put up a plug-in menorah –somebody must have complained.
Woman #2: Oh…
Woman #1: You’re not going to believe this though, just the other day they took down the menorah. How can they be so ignorant of other religions?
Woman #2: Well… Chanukah’s over.

–120th & Amsterdam

[A crazy man is running back and forth on the sidewalk and uses a blonde girl to ‘hide’ behind.]Blonde: Excuse you!
Crazy man: What, you got a problem?!
Blonde, firmly: Yes. Could you stop being a weirdo around me?
Crazy man: Oh… Sorry. [He then proceeded to walk normally to the crosswalk.]

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: Not around me either

Little old lady #1: That one woman raised four girls all by herself!
Little old lady #2: Imagine what that did for her sex drive.

–St. James Theater

Overheard by: It only helps if she’s an incestual pedophile.

[A small girl in scarf hands end of scarf to babysitter, who is on the phone. Babysitter absentmindedly holds scarf. Little girl pulls away.].
Babysitter: No, honey, we’re going to go this way [tugs in other direction].
Little girl: But I want to choke myself!
Babysitter, not really paying attention: No, no…
Little girl: But I want to choke myself! [pulls away harder].
Babysitter, still vague: No, honey, that’s bad…

–Grand Central Station

Older woman: Oh, is this your first baby?
Young pregnant girl: No, this is my last baby!

–Times Square Station

Rich lady #1: Hi! How was the funeral?
Rich ladies #2 and #3, carrying shopping bags: Oh… We didn’t make it to the funeral. We got caught up shopping instead.

–Tea & Sympathy

Woman: Thank god it’s Friday!
Subway janitor: Actually, Friday is my Monday.
Woman: [Thinks for a while.] Well, how was your weekend?

–6 Train Station

Woman #1: I really have to pee!
Woman #2: My god! Again? You have the tiniest bladder!
Woman #3: You know what they say about a tiny bladder?
Women #1 and #2: What?
Woman #3: Huge vagina!

–Olea, Forte Green, Brooklyn

Hobo holding open door: Hello, beautiful lady.
Woman, dropping a five in cup: You’re one smart son of a bitch.

–86th & Lexington

Tourist: Can you tell me where grand zero is?
Lady: You mean ground zero?
Tourist: Yes, I guess it is the same thing, okay…
Lady pointing straight ahead: Walk straight ahead. You see the big gap in the sky? There you go.
Tourist: Wait. I don’t see anything. What, its all gone already?
Lady: Are you retarded?

–Corner of Church & Reade