Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh

Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Stan

Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’

–Columbia University

Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.

–Ludlow St.

[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]

–W 4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: KL

Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ike

Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.

–Forbidden Planet

Overheard by: Josh

Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.

–Central Park

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Leisure, On Cell, Orgasm, Parks, Penn Station, Psychology, Sorority Girls, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Obscenity: The Universal Language

Black lady #1: [sign language].
Black lady #2: [sign language].
Black lady #1: [sign language].
Black lady #2: Motherfucker!

–A Train

Posted on May 13, 2008
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Insults, Languages, On the Subway, Women

A Garland’s Still a Step Up from a Noose, Though

Woman #1: So our department keeps talking about how much they are trying to promote diversity and understanding of others, but get this, two weeks ago they put up garlands over the door! Like, that is so disrespectful to other religions! It gets better though, the next day they put up a plug-in menorah –somebody must have complained.
Woman #2: Oh…
Woman #1: You’re not going to believe this though, just the other day they took down the menorah. How can they be so ignorant of other religions?
Woman #2: Well… Chanukah’s over.

–120th & Amsterdam

Posted on May 11, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Holidays, Judaism, Questions, Religion, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

I’ve Been Thinking About Getting Out of Mental Illness, Anyway

[A crazy man is running back and forth on the sidewalk and uses a blonde girl to ‘hide’ behind.]Blonde: Excuse you!
Crazy man: What, you got a problem?!
Blonde, firmly: Yes. Could you stop being a weirdo around me?
Crazy man: Oh… Sorry. [He then proceeded to walk normally to the crosswalk.]

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: Not around me either

Posted on May 11, 2008
Apologies, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Cured It?

Little old lady #1: That one woman raised four girls all by herself!
Little old lady #2: Imagine what that did for her sex drive.

–St. James Theater

Overheard by: It only helps if she’s an incestual pedophile.

Posted on May 10, 2008
Default, Friends, Gender issues, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Parents, Sexuality, Theater, Women

No Autoerotic Asphyxiation Until You’re a Teenager

[A small girl in scarf hands end of scarf to babysitter, who is on the phone. Babysitter absentmindedly holds scarf. Little girl pulls away.].
Babysitter: No, honey, we’re going to go this way [tugs in other direction].
Little girl: But I want to choke myself!
Babysitter, not really paying attention: No, no…
Little girl: But I want to choke myself! [pulls away harder].
Babysitter, still vague: No, honey, that’s bad…

–Grand Central Station

Posted on May 9, 2008
Default, Directions, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Suicide, Train Station, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And I’m Not Even Positive This One Is Mine

Older woman: Oh, is this your first baby?
Young pregnant girl: No, this is my last baby!

–Times Square Station

Posted on May 8, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Old People, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Women

It’s What Victor Would’ve Wanted

Rich lady #1: Hi! How was the funeral?
Rich ladies #2 and #3, carrying shopping bags: Oh… We didn’t make it to the funeral. We got caught up shopping instead.

–Tea & Sympathy

Posted on May 6, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Death, Default, Friends, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Shopping, The Village, Women

Sunday Brunch Was Delightfully Uncrowded

Woman: Thank god it’s Friday!
Subway janitor: Actually, Friday is my Monday.
Woman: [Thinks for a while.] Well, how was your weekend?

–6 Train Station

Posted on May 6, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Happiness, Leisure, Nice People, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

Slogan: “Peeing a Lot?/ Giant Twat!”

Woman #1: I really have to pee!
Woman #2: My god! Again? You have the tiniest bladder!
Woman #3: You know what they say about a tiny bladder?
Women #1 and #2: What?
Woman #3: Huge vagina!

–Olea, Forte Green, Brooklyn

Posted on May 5, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Pee, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vagina, Women