Women

NYC: One Fucking Big Happy Family

Drunk White hobo: Aw man, fucka that shit.
Hispanic deli chef: Man, you don’t have to say that to me. I am your brother.
Drunk White hobo: You’re right, brother…I am sorry, my brother.

–34th street deli between 8th & 9th

Black dude #1: Shut up, nigga.
Black dude #2: What the fuck. Don’t call me nigga. I’m Puerto Rican. Call me a spic.
Black dude #3: Stop using that offensive language! No wonder everyone on this train is staring at us. We are all God’s children. We all bleed the same. Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Pardon?
Black dude #3: Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Well, yes.
Black dude #3: You see!

–1 train

It’s Just Dry Cleaning, Lady

Power suit woman on cell: No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Are you listening to me? I said no! Absolutely not…Why are we arguing about this? Are you listening to me? No. No. You never listen to me. You never listen…Fine. Fine. Do whatever you have to do. But let me tell you this: if you ever thought that I loved you, you have been kidding yourself for a long time!

–50th & 6th

Overheard by: joe jervis

They’re Totally Going to Blow Their Audition

Old lady #1: But I thought the Rockettes were at Radio City…?
Old lady #2: They are.
Old lady #1: But the man said this train goes to Rockefeller Center.
Old lady #2: Well, now I’m confused, too.

–F train

It Would Explain Why Her Hands Keep Shaking

Crazy lady: Excuse me. Listen, you got some of that witchcraft put on you.
Old lady: Uh huh, yeah.
Crazy lady: You gotta get that lifted, or those spirits, you know, they be comin’ at you, they be on you.
Old lady: Yes.
Crazy lady: All right, take care.

–M86 bus

Maybe It Makes You Wet, Too

Woman #1: They have a new water called “Smart Water”.
Woman #2: Oh yeah? What’s up with that?
Woman #1: I don’t know…I guess it makes you smart or something.

–96th & Columbus

Overheard by: Paco

She Said It With Much Conviction

Man: Look, they’re hiring.
Woman: No, they wouldn’t hire me with my arrest record.

–Century 21, Cortlandt Street

Overheard by: Pickles

cf. “Husband”

Boy: We’re watching Pimp My Ride.
Man: What does “pimp” mean?
Boy: It’s someone who owns women.

–Washington Square Village

The Irony is That She Could Call That “Living”

Woman: Wow, I’ve never been that close to a real arrest before!
Man: Neither have I.
Woman: This shit always happens in the city. Thank God I don’t have to put up with it anymore, now that I live in Jersey City.
Man: Uh huh…
Woman: The irony is, I’m just on my way home from my shrink! Ha, ha!

–F train

The One Thing He’s Not Dealing is Speed

Woman #1: See that guy in the wheelchair? I think he’s starting to get involved with dealing drugs or something.
Woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t hang around him too much anyway if I were
you. Clearly he couldn’t run away fast enough the first time…

–Fort Greene

Warm Weather, Cold Hearts

Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! How are you all today? My name is Sonny Payne–
Teen girl: And you’re just a Payne in the ass!

–F train

Overheard by: Nicole A.

Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen–
Woman: Ah God, I can’t take it this early.

–9 train

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