Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Miniskirt #1: I feel so swollen.
Miniskirt #2: Oh my god! Swollen!
Miniskirt #3: Swollen!
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jessica
Professor: What words do we get from the name Aphrodite?
Student #1: Hermaphrodite.
Professor: Yes — from the union of Aphrodite and Hermes. What else?
Student #2: Aphrodisiac!
Professor: Good! And what is an aphrodisiac?
Students: [Silence.]Professor: Are you all Victorians? Come on… What’s it called when one uses something to arouse sexual appetite?
Student #3: Necrophiliac! [Class laughs.]Professor: I have to advise you to invest in a dictionary, as it’s simply prudent to know the difference between a necrophiliac and an aphrodisiac. Hopefully, you won’t ever need to thank me for that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cairo
Wheelbo: I understand that this is a crowded train. I will try and move past you as articulately as possible, as not to step on anybody’s toes.
–6 train
Overheard by: Becs
Guy trying on women’s sunglasses: Are these for women, or are they ambidextrous?
–Laila Rowe, Upper West Side
Overheard by: nisey79
Dude: … And I became an intern to be internal…
–Columbia University
NYU chick on cell: Thanks so much for, like, printing out my paper for me. You were, like, such a lifesaver! Yeah, my printer ran out of, you know, cartilage, so I’m at Staples buying some more.
–Soho
Overheard by: if only sharks could be used as toner
Bimbette: Yeah, well, she just kept on keptin’ on…
–4th Ave, between 11th & 12th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mike R
Fat lady: They eat dogs in other countries — it’s a delicatessen.
–Fulton & Church St
Overheard by: Dan
Professor: If you are selected, meet me and talk to me about the presentation on Thursday, and you can take advantage of me. [Awkward pause, then] If you want to rape me, you are welcome to try, but I don’t think so because I am pretty strong.
–NYU
Overheard by: Ting
Political philosophy professor after oral surgery: I had a choice to make: I could have stayed home like a happy clam on Percocet, or I could teach class… I miss the Percocet.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
Computer science professor: They [people who figured out which mushrooms were poisonous] were the true pioneers. Screw Edison!
–NYU
Professor: Don’t get too excited — I’m not putting you into groups. Yeah, I saw you all sitting there, looking around, thinking ‘Which of these fuckers is going to do all of the work?’
–Fordham University
Professor: Okay, you guys fill out these course evaluations, and I’ll go amuse myself for 15 minutes by… doing drugs or something [leaves room].
–Waverly Building, NYU
Overheard by: evanescent
English professor: I can never find enough excuses to use the word ‘pus.’
–Hunter College
Overheard by: upperwestsider
Secretary: Mr. Barnes* is out today… He is very sick.
Colleague: Oh, no! What’s wrong?
Secretary: He has food poisoning. You know — that semolina…
Colleague: You mean ‘salmonella’?
Secretary: Yeah, that’s what I just said — semolina.
–Financial District
Mother #1: These dolls are so adorable.
Mother #2: Yes, and there’s a wonderful verisimilitude at Target.
–American Girl store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: katicus
Child: Tia Jeanette, did you know that the tourist-ists brought down the twin towers?
Tia Jeanette: No, no, no, Anthony, it was the terror-ist.
Child: Ohhh…
–Ground Zero
Guy: I’m exhausted as fuck.
Chick: Good for you.
Guy: Shut up, you twunt.
Chick: Did you just try to combine ‘twat’ and ‘cunt’?
Guy: Some of my friends created it.
Chick: No wonder it’s retarded. It completely takes away from both insults, which are perfectly functional and to the point by themselves.
Guy: You’re such a little bitch.
–181st & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: LSB
Dude on cell, leaning against door: Yeah, and then she texted me, ‘I’m pregnant, you’re the father,’ and I stopped in the middle of the street and screamed, ‘Fuck!’
NYU student pushing open door: Excuse me.
Dude, dropping cell: Fuck!
–NYU Library
Overheard by: Ms. Manners
