Skinny girl #1: Have you ever seen fat people eat?
Skinny girl #2: Come to think of it, I haven’t.
Skinny girl #1: I know! Isn’t that what they call ironic?
–NYU
Skinny girl #1: Have you ever seen fat people eat?
Skinny girl #2: Come to think of it, I haven’t.
Skinny girl #1: I know! Isn’t that what they call ironic?
–NYU
High school thug #1: Man, you doin’ any feasible shit?
High school thug #2: Feasible? What’s that?
High school thug #1: Feasible is that… That’s some shit, man.
High school thug #2: Naw, man, I ain’t been goin’ to school.
–C train, 86th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Professor: Well, we’re all fucking crazy lunatic motherfuckers anyway, so why the fuck does it matter?
–NYU
Overheard by: observer
Angry black woman on cell: Yo, man, it’s like that old saying, ‘Don’t fuck with your employees, you motherfucker.’
–23rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Damn Straight
Mom to infant waving bottle around: What the fuck? Are you fucking out of your mind?!
–Manhattan-bound Q train
Drunk next to wife: Hey! Where did those girls that I fucked go? Hey! I fucked you girls! What the fuck?
–LIRR
Conductor: Union Square, motherfuckers!
–Astoria-bound N train
Overheard by: Caroline & Skid
Angry Russian thug on cell: You want fuck? I give you fuck! I stab my cock into your heart!
–Houston & 2nd
Charity worker: Help the homeless! [Androgynous person walks by] Even a pretty girl… boy… whatever-that-was can help!
–Times Square
Chick, wistfully: That was Vadim. He was from St. Petersburg. When we broke up he stole all my dresses.
–A train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Large black security guard, inspecting guy’s Sephora bag: You da man!
–Hayden Planetarium
Pierced 20-ish chick: So, the last time I pegged a guy he wouldn’t stop jabbering on and on about how much he loved trannies. It just made me shove in the strap-on harder.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Californian
Guy: I sirred a ma’am today. But, in my defense, she was a very sir-able ma’am.
–33rd & Broadway
Guy: You know — it’s Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
Girl: Who are they? Those guys that died?
–14th & Park Ave South
Blonde: Do you have a first name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a last name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a middle name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: No.
Blonde: Well, I wanna annoy you. What’s your conformation name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: I’m Jewish.
Blonde: So?
–21st & 1st
Thugette on cell: Yeah, I’m planning on getting arrested this weekend. That’s my new thing now. Instead of going to the club and shit, I’m just going to get arrested.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Metrosexual: Oh my god! Did you hear that Paris Hilton just escaped from prison?
–Broadway & Prince
Mom eating fried chicken: I always thought Penn Station stop was named after a penitentiary…
–A train
Overheard by: Denning
Mocking cop to dude he just arrested: You’ve got jail!
–West Village
Woman: Why do they have to call it the ‘feminine care aisle’?
Friend: I know! Why can’t they just write ‘Tampons’?
–CVS, Park Ave South
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Miniskirt #1: I feel so swollen.
Miniskirt #2: Oh my god! Swollen!
Miniskirt #3: Swollen!
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jessica
