Little old lady: But I am sure I came in on this floor. Don't you know the customer is always right?
Sales associate: This is the 3rd floor. Unless you scaled the side of the building, I'm right on this one.
–Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: stewed tomato
Old british man, to liquor store employees: Have any of you ever tried this beer?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Nah.
Old british man: Oh, it’s a splendid Belgian stout, very sweet. It’s my absolute favorite variety of Belgian beer. You should try it sometime. It is absolutely divine, a tastebud sensation the likes of which I can guarantee you’ve never known. Well, have a great night, chaps. [Pays for his beer and walks out.]Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Yo, dog, you hear that guy’s accent? You think his accent was real?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: Nah.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: I don’t think so, either.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: It couldn’t have been real. You hear that guy? He ain’t from no foreign country. He spoke perfect English.
–Liquor Store, Manhattan
Overheard by: daile
Cashier: Here’s your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it’s pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures…
–J. Crew, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Al
Subway sandwich maker: Can I help you?
Crazy old woman: Ughh.
Lady behind her: Pick from something on the list.
Crazy old woman: Cheese! Just cheese! A cheese sandwich.
–Subway, Hudson Street
Overheard by: Brendan
Bike messenger: Well, the problem with being a bike messenger is that you have to make stops, ’cause if you don’t make stops you don’t make any money.
Newbie: Yeah.
Bike messenger: But if I find a gig where I don’t have to stop and I still made money, man, I’ll have it made.
–5th St & Ave A
Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I'll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you'll get your passport back in two weeks.
–Post Office, Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Lazarus
Employee pointing to wall: See the fire damage?
Tourist mom: Is this where you stash your weed?
–Cathedral of St. John the Divine
Overheard by: amused priest
Naked suit: You know, if you’re a terrorist and you wanna get into a building, you should just say you’re from Price Waterhouse or Ernst & Young. Nobody asks any questions.
–Vanderbilt YMCA, East 47th Street
Overheard by: Palaverist
20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life?
–Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker?
–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam
Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human.
–B Train
Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake
Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs.
–Union Square Whole Foods
Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?
–E 60th St
Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore!
–E 13th St & 1st Ave
Old man: I went to a party the other night–it was a girlfriend-swapping party!
Cook: Oh, yeah?
Old man: I hadda throw in cash!
–Greasy Spoon, Church St
Overheard by: missal
