Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I–
Old lady: Never say “notwithstanding” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You’re making my point, darling!…So, Redford says “notwithstanding”? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.
–Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Bertrand Latour
White man: Excuse me, has anyone ever told you you look just like that rap guy?
Black guy: You mean Snoop Dogg?
White man: Yeah, him.
Black guy: Yeah, all the time.
White man: Are you related to him?
Black guy: Yeah, he’s a distant cousin.
White man: Really? Wow! You must get this all the time.
Black guy: Yeah, even my girlfriend says it.
White man: Well, that must be the reason she dates you. She probably wouldn’t date you if you weren’t related to him.
–1 train
Drunk girl #1: I met a guy last night!
Drunk girl #2: Oh yeah? Do tell.
Drunk girl #1: Well, um, it’s not exactly accurate to say that he had a Jay Leno caricature face.
–18th & 8th
Overheard by: Jas
Old man: You think Hillary Clinton could be president? You’re out
of your mind. Hillary Clinton couldn’t get arrested in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties. She’s ugly, she’s stupid and she has a big fat ass. She’s like a Hitler in female. All right, I’ll stop now and be a gentleman.
Guy: Okay.
Old man: Any Democrat on this train who thinks Hillary Clinton could be president is masturbating in their mind. All one hundred of them.
Guy: You have a nice night.
–R train
Overheard by: Dave and Lauren
Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!
–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street
Overheard by: Trey Desolay
Old woman: Man..Oprah done did it! Everyone loves that bitch, man. She was born barefoot in South Carolina and made it still.
Old man #1: Yeah, she’s cool.
Old woman: You know what she did? She done gave everyone who was in that hurricane Christina a five hundred dollar baby stroller! She good like that. I love that woman.
Old man #2: Did you see that book guy, what he did to her?
Old woman: Uh-uh, no, what?
Old man #2: Some guy wrote a cookbook on her show–
Old man #1: No, no, man. He wrote a book about being a junkie and being in jail and it was all bullshit. That guy Frey.
Old man #2: Oh…I thought the book was about cooking.
Old woman: Well, his name is Frey.
–Bridge Plaza Clinic, LIC
Overheard by: Willie Hellenbach
Queer on cell: So I saw this store that was going out of business…Yeah, so I got a faith and three hopes…Or was it two faiths and three hopes?…Ha, yeah, there wasn’t any love or anything. I bet I could sell a faith to Madonna for a hundred million dollars. Like, “Here you go, this is the most religious thing ever. More than you….bitch.”…Ha, ha, yeah. “It has holy waters from all over the world. The Pope came on it.”
–New School, West 13th Street
Overheard by: jimster
Guy: Omigod dude, the main detective guy from Law & Order: SVU guest stars as a pediatrician on Scrubs! I could never imagine him doing the things he’s doing right now.
Girl: No dude, omigod, you know he was on Oz and he was a gay prisoner and he liked getting it in the ass and giving it too. That’s extreme, man.
–Penn Station
Man: Wait, so you’re on Law & Order?
Epatha Merkerson: Mm-hmm.
Man: Wow, I don’t watch the show, but my son and daughter do. What’s your name? I’ll have to tell them I saw you.
Epatha Merkerson: Epatha.
Man: Epala?
Epatha Merkerson: Epatha.
Man: Epasa?
Epatha Merkerson: E-path-a
Man: Ensala? Maybe I should write this down, I’m sure I’ll forget. Emana, you said?
–Dentist’s office, 35th & Madison
Overheard by: Mandy G
Guy #1: I bought my dad a Clint Eastwood biography for Christmas. I feel like that’s a pretty solid bet for any dad. Clint, Frank Sinatra, maybe Brando.
Guy #2: What about James Dean?
Guy #1: Yeah, I guess. What about that Vin Diesel?
Guy #3: You are seriously obsessed, dude.
Guy #1: Don’t hate on the Diesel. Ooh, you know who everyone loves? That Anne Frank.
Woman: Anne Frank was a lesbo.
–The Strand
