Man on cell: Hello. Oh, hi, yes. You won’t believe it. I’m on a bus. In New York City. Can you imagine?
–M-104 bus
Overheard by: Nhoo
Girl: Oh my God, I am psyched to be in New York. Look! I can’t believe they have sand here! Aww!
–Central Park, near the Great Lawn
Tourist guy: Wow. I love this city. If New York had a cunt, I would eat it.
–Times Square
Overheard by: monzo
Girl on cell: Yeah, but I’ve gotta get out of these pants first. The crotch is wet and I don’t wanna get mad yeast.
— 85th & York
Overheard by: Ivan
Professor: You need to find your special place.
–Shepard Hall, City College
Girl on cell: You definitely could. You have a wider-set vagina than I do.
–65th Ave & Parsons Blvd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Pete
Old lady on cell: Did you remove the tick from the genital area?
–5th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Utah
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
–49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
–Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
–UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.
—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
–34th & 8th
Black guy: I can not believe mah baby girl just graduated from high school! Come on, honey, I’ll let you pick where we gonna go fo’ dinner: Denny’s or White Castle?
–Yonkers High School
Overheard by: Snow White
Ghetto girl graduate: Ya’ll wanna go to Red Lobstah or what?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
Woman, yelling to man: Look, you give me crack and I smoke it and we fuck. That’s what we do.
–130th, between Lenox and 5th
Overheard by: Juany
Queer on cell: At least have the decency to suck dick for coke!
–10th & Ave A
Small child: I feel so dirty.
–sand box, Prospect Park
Overheard by: braincurve
Guy: You’ll never even see a vagina in your life. I can at least pay for it.
–53rd & 8th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Woman: And I was like, “Do you want my breasts to make the copies for you”?
–9th Ave
Overheard by: Michelle
Bag lady: Hey, those tits look great on you!
–Maiden & William
Overheard by: thanks, but they’re not fake
Airport security guard, to woman going through the security line: I said outerwear not underwear!
–LaGuardia Airport
Guy: Free New York Times Market Place! You need a motherfucking job? Get yourself a motherfucking job! Pay your child support! Free New York Times Market Place! Find yourself a motherfucking job!
–outside Port Authority, 40th & 8th
Black guy, to white guy: Wake up, sleepy cracker! It’s Monday; time for work!
–109th & Madison
Man in suit, on cell: It’s manly to want to take care of your family.
–Carmine & Bedford
Girl: Whatever, it’s disgusting. I mean, you can cum in my butt but not in my vag.
–Q train
Woman: I have sex in my vagina, not in my bottom!
–Prospect Park
Summer student: I don’t know where and I don’t know what, but I am getting something pierced.
–NYU Dorm, East Village
Girl: I just want to throw a rock at it and watch all the windows shatter.
–Sculpture for Living, Astor Place
Loud, nerdy guy: They’re basically a bunch of shitty MySpace kids with mutant powers. Like the hedgehog kid: his power is that spikes come out of his body, what the fuck is that? I could roll around in glue and syringes and get that guy’s power.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Zoh
Middle-Aged man: I think vampires are kind of stupid. They seem to care an awful lot about how they look and what others think. It’s like, who cares? You’re six hundred years old and on your way to hell, hello?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Someone who thinks he has a point
Asian girl: One of my cousins is a dragon.
–32nd St
Overheard by: sneakyintern
