Old lady, standing in front of the Leda and the Swan statue: Gee, I guess she must really like that swan.
–The Met
Frat boy: She was real “Helen of Troy” pussy.
–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: the fiend
Old lady, standing in front of the Leda and the Swan statue: Gee, I guess she must really like that swan.
–The Met
Frat boy: She was real “Helen of Troy” pussy.
–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: the fiend
Old guy on cell: I don’t know, thinking about going to the movies. Maybe I’ll see The Devil in Miss Prada.
–Mcburney YMCA, W 14th St
Girl: Yeah I sold my soul to the devil. I was like, “Hey, devil, can I sell you my soul?” And he was like, “Okay.”
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Natasha
Queer: And, futhermore, we all know that the Devil does not wear Prada. He wears flame-retardant knock-offs from Target.
–Chelsea
Old man, to man who has just sneezed on him: Fuck you, you shithead! Ya goddamn farthole!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Crazy guy: And I’m just gonna take a shit in his fucking mouth.
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Old man, to dog: Shit already, damnit! Do you hear me?! Shit already!
–51st & 8th
Thug girl: Yeah, tell that bitch I’m crazy. I’m mad crazy, not that crazy on the train shit. I’m crazy goin’ ta’ jail shit.
–JHS 218, Brooklyn
Overheard by: jeff lebowski
Woman: But he’s so funny when he’s not having seizures.
–Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: Evan
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Girl: He took me to a Japanese restaurant. I got the chicken karaoke.
–78th & Broadway
Overheard by: E HAGEN
20-Something girl: So, is Alabama in Kentucky?
–27th & 1st
Overheard by: interlard
Early-20’s woman: The Himalayas aren’t a real place. They’re like Narnia.
–1st & 1st
Ghetto girl: In British Whose Line Is It Anyway?, do they speak English?
–75th St
Woman on cell: Hey, Jane*, in case I get thrown in jail tonight you have the money for bail, right?
–44th & 8th
Guy on cell: They said I’d be looking at a $10,000 fine and six months in jail, but they didn’t take my name. I figure if people aren’t out wandering the streets looking for me, I’m okay.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Emily Duncanson
Blond yuppie on cell: That’s so cute! But did he really just get out of jail?
–Central Park
Keen observer: They’re fuckin’ cowards, man! Mountain lions are cowards, too.
–12th & Bedford, Brooklyn
Loud girl on cell: Well don’t ask me! I don’t know anything about the mechanics of whale sex!
–9th Ave
Subway conductor: Please enter the train as human beings, not wild animals.
–23rd St F station
Guy: Yeah that reminds me of my first time. He took me to dinner but was too nice and perfect. Then in bed he made animal noises and his cat was like between us and he didn’t kick it out of bed.
–Nowhere bar, 14th St between 1st and 2nd
Girl on cell: So I woke up with a slice of pizza on my stomach again last night.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Frank B
Man: You know my theory: ground beef makes anything taste better.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sol
Old woman: Give me a donut. But not a very sweet one. I’m diabetic.
–Clarkson Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: astronugget
Fat woman on cell: “Butter Lovers” or “X-treme Butter” with an X?
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Rita
Teenage boy: I had frosted Cheerios for breakfast. That’s some heavy shit.
–86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Madison Parks
Woman, yelling into her cell in a thick Puerto Rican/New York accent: I had to call you. Guess what I’m thinking about right now? Guess! You know the little peanut man on the jar of peanuts? Him! The little peanut man.
–crosstown bus, 72nd & Lex
Queer: Here’s what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers.
–Fire Island
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
–1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
–Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
–Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
