Guy: I was never any good at sports…I’ve watched the Superbowl a few times.
–Flatiron office
Lady on phone: Yeah, they have seat fillers at the Oscars and other award shows, you didn’t know that? It’s so when they pan over the audience it doesn’t look like a Mets game.
–40th Street office
Overheard by: Clay Caviness
Guy: I’m not going to be the only guy at the hockey party holding an apple turnover.
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Christopher Miner
Guy: Just because I got a felony doesn’t mean I’m going to jail.
–outside Kew Gardens Criminal Courthouse
Overheard by: Scott Bee
Man walking down the street with a wooden square around his neck says: I’m an innocent man! I’ve been framed, I’m tellin’ ya!
–Carmine & Bleecker
Black guy: Yo, do y’all got $6? Whoa, whoa, listen, I’m Black but I’m no criminal!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erica Gridelli
Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday?
–21st & Broadway
Woman: He didn’t come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean.
–2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys?
–The Hotel on Rivington
Overheard by: Joe Quint
Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey’s working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I’ll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills!
–Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street
Overheard by: Nomi Malone
Guy on cell: Holy shit, she’s too fucking old to get AIDS. The virus would be like “Ew, fuck that, she’s old.”
–F train
Overheard by: Glynnis
A blocked sewer grate causes a nasty-looking puddle. A Black guy steps over it and says: This shit’s disgusting. This is how we all get AIDS.
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: Erica
Guy on cell: Can you imagine having sex with a two year old and a three year old at the same time?
–79th & 5th
Overheard by: Jackie
College chick: So, best case scenario she thinks you’re a lesbian. Worst case scenario, she thinks you’re a child molester.
–M16 bus
Chick: Oh yeah, ’cause we all know how I like to swap spit. With random people…like the cleaning ladies.
–FIT
Lady: I don’t like to parallel park…it messes up my hair.
–61st & Madison
Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off.
–L train
Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn’t fucking bartending! It sucked!
–61st & 3rd
Chinese chick: Oh, I don’t watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that?
–B6 bus
Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life?
–Penn Station
Girl: I don’t know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I’ll be honest, sometimes they just don’t do it for me.
–2 train
Punk chick: …hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm.
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Chick: You’re not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don’t wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis!
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Domi & Rachel
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Hobo: Oh shit, baboons. They might bite me. I gotta be careful!
–54th & 7th
Crazy lady: Of course, as you can see, there are Fiddlywumps in there, and that’s the number one sign that you should leave the area immediately.
–14th & 7th
Crazy man: You know how da fish swibbles as it follows da current on da waves? It’s a baddacudda outta control. Dat’s what happens in ya mind. Ya know, da mind waves?
–42nd & 6th
Wheeltard: I’m a fucking genius! I’m a fucking genius! Hitler was amazing, everyone hail Hitler!
–7th Avenue & Grove
Hobo: Man, I’m going to fuckin’ Hong Kong. I’m sick of dodging bullets every day.
–110th & Morningside Drive
Overheard by: Laird
Taxi driver: There’s too many fucking buses in this city! And they all empty! And now you going to go kill all the Arabs for the gas for the empty fucking buses!
–5th Avenue cab
Overheard by: Megan E.
Crazy guy: Geraldo Rivera and his army. Is his wife in there? Bring her too.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: KJD
Crackhead: I can’t get married because first they took the land from the Indians and then they tried to take money from the poor and eliminate races!
–40th & Park
Overheard by: Vanessa
Black guy: It really tore me up to have to beat that nigga with a chair.
–Times Square
Drunk: Fuck getting arrested! I don’t care! But my point is this…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Guy: See, Francie? See how it’s all pink around the nail? That’s from jabbing my thumb into that guy.
–48th & 1st
Guy on bike: …and she said, “What are you going to do, shoot me?” and that was the last thing she ever said.
–Forest Hills
Old White lady: Oh no, I didn’t get any blood on me, I stayed away from the action. I was the one doing the shooting.
–Aaron Davis Hall, Convent Avenue
Guy on cell: You’re in Florida? You’re driving back right? Get me a nine!…I don’t give shit where you buy it from, get me a nine milimeter. For real, all those southern states you’re driving through, you can get one from somewhere!
–DeMarco’s Pizza, Houston Street
Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?
–1st Avenue & 10th Street
Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?
–47th & 9th
Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.
–Brooklyn Heights
Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.
–F train
Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?
–LIRR
Overheard by: CMichaels
Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
