Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen! We are temporarily being held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. We would like to wish you a happy 4th of July. As you all know, the 4th is a day for celebrating and drinking. Please remember: do not drink and drive! Don’t get me wrong, you can drink as much as you want but then you have to take public transportation!

–A train

Overheard by: Miss Babette

A relatively full car holds an empty bench. As passengers embark at each station, they head toward the empty bench. They recoil when they discover the pool of puke on the floor in front of the bench.

An Indian man embarks at Bedford Avenue, sits down in front of the puke, and puts both of his feet right in it.

Hipster: No, No!

The Indian slides his feet around in the brown vomit and looks down in horror. He gets up and looks like he will puke himself.

Hipster: Oh no, man, it’s best not to think about it!

The Indian disembarks at the next stop and changes cars.

–L train

Overheard by: Hairy Toe

There is a drunk guy passed out on the floor, laying face up in his vomit. 3 Black chicks get on the train. One looks at him and says: That nigga is so done for.

–6 train

Overheard by: Natalie