All Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-liners Have Their Boarding Passes Ready

Tourist mom: First the Muppets took Manhattan, now us!

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Overheard by: G. Star

Tourist lady: What floor are the Renaissance paintings on?

–MoMA

Guy: …it’s the same as terrorism. If we’re against terrorism, then we’re against tourism.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: B. Howard

Tourist guy: I’ll have two of your ordinary coffees for purchase.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station

Overheard by: devila

Aussie woman: Excuse me…Can you tell me how to get to Greenwich Village?

–5th Avenue & 8th Street

Tourist lady: …and then we went to that big church. You know, the big one? St. Peter’s. The one the Kennedys went to. It’s on 5th street. It’s, like, the largest church in the world or something.

–Central Park East

Tourist guy: Oh, we definitely saw all the important things in the city today. I think the best was F.O.A. Schwartz though.

–Mulberry Street

Overheard by: Bernie Mc

Tourist guy: Hey, is that Central Park?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi

Tourist chick: Hey, is that Central Park?

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: Beks

Tourist boy: Mom! We’re almost at double-u twenty-four street!

–M20 bus

Girl on cell: Let’s wear matching polo shirts and film each other eating with handheld digital cameras! Oh sorry, I’m in Times Square, and I was beginning to think that kind of behavior was normal.

–Times Square

Teen tourist boy: This ain’t no Chinatown. Shit.

–Broadway & Broome

Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher

They Have Wednesday One-liners Overseas

Light-skinned woman: Shit, you don’t know who I am; I’m black as far as you’re concerned. I could be from South Africa and shit and have seen worse things that you could imagine. Or I could be from Ireland and have gone through some Protestant shit.

–Jay Street station

Girl on cell: So I went up to my Professor just now? And I was telling him I’ve chosen a country for my project. He was like, “Africa? That’s not a country.” I was like, “Come on, what was all that Live 8 stuff about, then?”. He was just like, “Never mind. Africa is fine.”…Yeah, totally.

–The NYU Bookstore, Washington Place

Aussie guy: …no, see, goats in Australia are feral because they are an alien species. They just dropped them on every island in case people got shipwrecked. Then there’d be food. Problem was no one ever got shipwrecked.

–6 train

Overheard by: Kirstin Liu

Those Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Got No Home

Hobo: Punch me in the face! $20! Pay $20 to punch me in the face!

–11th & A

Overheard by: Ben F

Hobo: Can you help me out? You ain’t no brother, but you a cousin. And a white man said, “Ask not what your cousin can do for you, ask what you can do for your cousin.” What can you do for me, man?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: iiams

Hobo: Can anyone spare some change, or some food, an apple, a banana, a bacon and cheese omelet with hash browns?

–R train

Hobo: Miss, can I have a quarter so I can call you later?

–57th & 7th

Overheard by: CK Allen

Hobo: Damn, man! We got enough here for a bottle o’ vodka…and you want wine?

–Avenue A between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Dave McKenna

Hobo: If you don’t have any money, but you’re really attractive, just give me a hug and we’ll call it even.

–F train

Overheard by: Fiona Lee

Wednesday One-liners Mispronounce Zoology

Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…

–34th & 8th

Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!

–42nd & Lexington

Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt Murdock

Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.

–Washington Square

Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.

–West 4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: Raphael

Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.

–71st & 1st

Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Jenny + Pete

Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.

–1st & 1st

Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.

–Fordham Road

Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.

–D train

Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin

It Didn’t Work Out with Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: For five years you wouldn’t marry me because your mother was sick. Well, your mother’s fucking dead and you still won’t marry me!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Robbie

Goombah: So what? I went and had a couple beers with Junior! You know what? Fuck you, bitch! I want you outta my house when I get home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Man on cell: So what has changed from then to now?…of course! The vibrator! So that’s it, huh?

–Central Park

Overheard by: jeannette

Guy: That’s one of the reasons I had to dump her. I’d see all these
girls on the street and be like, “Hey now!”

–Broadway & Spring

Guy on cell: I moved all the way here and now you won’t even marry me?

–Broadway & 57th

Wednesday One-liners Should See a Doctor

Chick on phone: Do you love your gynecologist? Because I don’t. I’m not, like, thrilled. I need stability right now. It’s like bing-bing-bing, you’re done. Now tell me about your period and breastfeeding.

–Brooklyn Army Terminal

Woman: Oh no, she loves having surgery…

–Fresh Bites, 56th & 6th

Man on cell: It was like a little dagger, stabbing my eyeball…

–Madison Avenue office

Overheard by: Jonathan Harford

Woman: …so my gynecologist said, “Why would you want to go to her? She’s out of network!”

–Opia, E. 57th Street

Wednesday One-liners Are Grossly Mismarketed

Old Black guy: The thing about Girls Gone Wild is that most of them are strippers. Girls don’t really go wild.

–D train

Overheard by: pixelvisions

Woman: One day they have Angelina sleeping with Tom Cruise, now they say she’s with Brad.

–Food Emporium, Broadway & 68th

Hipster chick: You know, they have all these sodas with added lime flavor, but why don’t they ever do Sprite with lime?

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Melissa

Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I’ve ever seen so I beat the shit out of him…Did you know they have a new $100 bill?

–35th & 8th

Overheard by: Paul Ferris

Woman: Sometimes I see underwear I don’t even understand.

–Victoria’s Secret, 82nd & Broadway

Overheard by: djlindee

Pre-school teacher lady: If they didn’t build the subway, we wouldn’t have Home Depot or Lowe’s.

–NY Transit Museum

Overheard by: Trix

Announcing Wednesday One-liners

Suit: Attention tourists. It is now just after 5PM, and unlike you, some of us had to work today and would like to fucking get home. Please keep moving and do not just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk. This has been a public service announcement.

–43rd & 7th

Conductor: Next time, you lose your hands!

–N train

Overheard by: Gregorio

The train stops in the tunnel, and the conductor announces: Ladies and gentlemen! We are momentarily held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery.

–A train

Driver: Welcome aboard the M86 crosstown bus. I apologize for the delay today; we will be moving momentarily. If you are carrying a grudge from school, or work, or home, please do not take it out on me. I promise you, we will be moving momentarily.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Diane

Conductor: Get all your possessions, including your body, inside the doors, if you want the train to move. It’s that simple.

–S train

Conductor: That was a very dangerous thing that you just did with the cane.

–F train

Is It Going to Work Out with Wednesday One-liners?

Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!”

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

Overheard by: alex

Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once?

–26th & Lexington

Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone.

–Burger King, Union Turnpike

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late!

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike

The End of Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Hey, lady, you need to slow the fuck down…your dog needs to take a fuckin’ dump…just look at his swollen-ass asshole!

–Times Square

Indian woman on cell: You are a terrible, terrible man. You are a horrible shit of piece.

–60th between Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Navyboy

Guy: If she was a dinosaur, she’d be an assaraptus.

–Astoria

Overheard by: shane matthews

Lady on cell: OK, so you know Alisha? She’s Poop’s best friend…yeah, Poop.

–77th & Lexington

Overheard by: marissa

Wife: I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” I ain’t asking you to hold it in or nothing; it’s a natural part of life. I mean, if you need to let it out, let it out. I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” Have some damn manners. We fart, we all fart, but just say, “excuse me.”

–Central Park

Overheard by: Alex Liebman

Guy: I will say this: butts are weird, and fickle. You can put that in your dissertation.

–111th between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: djlindee

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist