All Wednesday One-Liners

There’s Wednesday One-liners All Over Town

FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.

–Slainte, The Bowery

Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Overheard by: Danny G.

Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!

–5 train

Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?

–43rd & Broadway

Overheard by: katie cunningham

Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.

–University & 11th

Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.

–57th & Broadway

Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!

–Church & Worth

Overheard by: Becka Dash

NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!

–Penn Station

NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!

–Penn Station

Overheard (correctly) by: Toon

Wednesday One-liners (As Seen on Cops)

Girl: …I mean, I don’t care. As long as he doesn’t hit her in my house!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Errin D.

Drunk thug: Yo, fuck Lil’ Bow Wow! If I get the chance I’ll cut that nigga…with my MetroCard! And then I’ll swipe him through.

–Last Exit, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mr. Brojangles

Jewess: If Miriam acts that way again to me, I am going to slap her pussy bald.

–86th & 2nd

Overheard by: Caroline Kelley

Man: Just you watch, she’s gonna cut him!

–3 train

Man: I don’t know, he only dates guys in jail.

–33rd & Madison

Overheard by: Missy Gartner

Black kid: They’re going to get me for conspiracy! That’s what they did to my brother! He’s spending 8 years in jail for conspiracy…firearms…half an ounce of cocaine…crack cocaine.

–B train

Overheard by: Samantha G

Enormous Changes for Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I would bedazzle the shit out of that shirt.

–53rd & 9th

Girl: So, he said he was thinking about getting LASIK, and I told him that if he wants to have surgery he has to start with a nosejob.

–Times Square

Man on cell: Yeah man, I promised for her birthday I’d take her to the best doctor in town. She really needs to have this done. Where did you take yours when she had fleas?

–57th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Oh, I don’t know, the last time I saw you your lips didn’t look that overinflated.

–Washington Square dog run

Overheard by: boswell

It’s Just a Number, Wednesday 1-Liners

Man: You two walk how old people fuck!

–14th & 9th

Overheard by: Emily

Guy on cell: Yeah, general admission was cool when I was 18, but not when I’m fucking 32.

–78th & 1st

Guy: You know how, like, with alcohol they require ID for proof of age? They should really do that with bikinis also.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Take a Deep Breath, Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Katie C

Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: djlindee

Not Quite a Match with Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out?

–Centre & Chambers

Overheard by: Chris

Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses…

–West 53 Street office

Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess…

–81st & Madison

Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more.

–Sheep’s Meadow

Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it.

–Starbucks, 34th & 7th

Overheard by: marissa

Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!”

–Bar 288, Elizabeth Street

DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral?

–DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center

Overheard by: RMC

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit.

–St. Mark’s Church

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Woman: Where are all the restaurants?

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Kate

Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you?

–Gristede’s, 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Captain Obvious

Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?

–40th & Broadway

Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey.

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: JDH

Wednesday One-liners Are All Over the Map

Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York?

–1st Avenue & 3rd Street

Overheard by: Lisa H.

Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind.

–W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx

Overheard by: Bianca Townshend

College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford.

–14th Street 1/2/3 station

Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon

Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland?

–Wall & Broad

Overheard by: David McG

Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey.

–Sunset Park rooftop

Overheard by: c dub

Wednesday One-liners, Jr.

Mom: Maybe if you listen to me more you’ll get to see Mr. Snap Crackles…Mommy’s going to call him now.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

Chick on cell :…and then the other day, I had a little baby! Yeah!

–116th & Broadway

NY Post guy: It’s been confirmed! He’s dead! Harry Potter is dead! Killed in a magic train bus explosion. Read it here!

–Penn Station

Guy: …and you can’t get birthmarks shaped like WB characters.

–Teany, Rivington St.

Wednesday One-liners are Family Values

Alt girl: So his second cousin is also his dad. That’s fucking mashed up.

–Times Square

Teen girl: You sure it’s his, right? He didn’t take his cock out or nuthin’?

–Laundry room, 108th & 2nd

Overheard by: CK Allen

Chick: Yeah, so I’ve been making out with my stepcousin lately.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Kam Truhn

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