All Wednesday One-Liners

Not Quite a Match with Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out?

–Centre & Chambers

Overheard by: Chris

Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses…

–West 53 Street office

Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess…

–81st & Madison

Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more.

–Sheep’s Meadow

Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it.

–Starbucks, 34th & 7th

Overheard by: marissa

Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!”

–Bar 288, Elizabeth Street

DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral?

–DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center

Overheard by: RMC

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit.

–St. Mark’s Church

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Woman: Where are all the restaurants?

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Kate

Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you?

–Gristede’s, 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Captain Obvious

Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?

–40th & Broadway

Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey.

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: JDH

Wednesday One-liners Are All Over the Map

Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York?

–1st Avenue & 3rd Street

Overheard by: Lisa H.

Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind.

–W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx

Overheard by: Bianca Townshend

College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford.

–14th Street 1/2/3 station

Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon

Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland?

–Wall & Broad

Overheard by: David McG

Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey.

–Sunset Park rooftop

Overheard by: c dub

Wednesday One-liners, Jr.

Mom: Maybe if you listen to me more you’ll get to see Mr. Snap Crackles…Mommy’s going to call him now.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

Chick on cell :…and then the other day, I had a little baby! Yeah!

–116th & Broadway

NY Post guy: It’s been confirmed! He’s dead! Harry Potter is dead! Killed in a magic train bus explosion. Read it here!

–Penn Station

Guy: …and you can’t get birthmarks shaped like WB characters.

–Teany, Rivington St.

Wednesday One-liners are Family Values

Alt girl: So his second cousin is also his dad. That’s fucking mashed up.

–Times Square

Teen girl: You sure it’s his, right? He didn’t take his cock out or nuthin’?

–Laundry room, 108th & 2nd

Overheard by: CK Allen

Chick: Yeah, so I’ve been making out with my stepcousin lately.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Kam Truhn

Wednesday One-liners Have Their Boarding Passes Ready

Tourist mom: First the Muppets took Manhattan, now us!

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Overheard by: G. Star

Tourist lady: What floor are the Renaissance paintings on?

–MoMA

Guy: …it’s the same as terrorism. If we’re against terrorism, then we’re against tourism.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: B. Howard

Tourist guy: I’ll have two of your ordinary coffees for purchase.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station

Overheard by: devila

Aussie woman: Excuse me…Can you tell me how to get to Greenwich Village?

–5th Avenue & 8th Street

Tourist lady: …and then we went to that big church. You know, the big one? St. Peter’s. The one the Kennedys went to. It’s on 5th street. It’s, like, the largest church in the world or something.

–Central Park East

Tourist guy: Oh, we definitely saw all the important things in the city today. I think the best was F.O.A. Schwartz though.

–Mulberry Street

Overheard by: Bernie Mc

Tourist guy: Hey, is that Central Park?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi

Tourist chick: Hey, is that Central Park?

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: Beks

Tourist boy: Mom! We’re almost at double-u twenty-four street!

–M20 bus

Girl on cell: Let’s wear matching polo shirts and film each other eating with handheld digital cameras! Oh sorry, I’m in Times Square, and I was beginning to think that kind of behavior was normal.

–Times Square

Teen tourist boy: This ain’t no Chinatown. Shit.

–Broadway & Broome

Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher

They Have Wednesday One-liners Overseas

Light-skinned woman: Shit, you don’t know who I am; I’m black as far as you’re concerned. I could be from South Africa and shit and have seen worse things that you could imagine. Or I could be from Ireland and have gone through some Protestant shit.

–Jay Street station

Girl on cell: So I went up to my Professor just now? And I was telling him I’ve chosen a country for my project. He was like, “Africa? That’s not a country.” I was like, “Come on, what was all that Live 8 stuff about, then?”. He was just like, “Never mind. Africa is fine.”…Yeah, totally.

–The NYU Bookstore, Washington Place

Aussie guy: …no, see, goats in Australia are feral because they are an alien species. They just dropped them on every island in case people got shipwrecked. Then there’d be food. Problem was no one ever got shipwrecked.

–6 train

Overheard by: Kirstin Liu

Those Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Got No Home

Hobo: Punch me in the face! $20! Pay $20 to punch me in the face!

–11th & A

Overheard by: Ben F

Hobo: Can you help me out? You ain’t no brother, but you a cousin. And a white man said, “Ask not what your cousin can do for you, ask what you can do for your cousin.” What can you do for me, man?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: iiams

Hobo: Can anyone spare some change, or some food, an apple, a banana, a bacon and cheese omelet with hash browns?

–R train

Hobo: Miss, can I have a quarter so I can call you later?

–57th & 7th

Overheard by: CK Allen

Hobo: Damn, man! We got enough here for a bottle o’ vodka…and you want wine?

–Avenue A between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Dave McKenna

Hobo: If you don’t have any money, but you’re really attractive, just give me a hug and we’ll call it even.

–F train

Overheard by: Fiona Lee

Wednesday One-liners Mispronounce Zoology

Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…

–34th & 8th

Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!

–42nd & Lexington

Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt Murdock

Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.

–Washington Square

Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.

–West 4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: Raphael

Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.

–71st & 1st

Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Jenny + Pete

Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.

–1st & 1st

Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.

–Fordham Road

Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.

–D train

Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin

It Didn’t Work Out with Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: For five years you wouldn’t marry me because your mother was sick. Well, your mother’s fucking dead and you still won’t marry me!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Robbie

Goombah: So what? I went and had a couple beers with Junior! You know what? Fuck you, bitch! I want you outta my house when I get home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Man on cell: So what has changed from then to now?…of course! The vibrator! So that’s it, huh?

–Central Park

Overheard by: jeannette

Guy: That’s one of the reasons I had to dump her. I’d see all these
girls on the street and be like, “Hey now!”

–Broadway & Spring

Guy on cell: I moved all the way here and now you won’t even marry me?

–Broadway & 57th

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