Lady, bumping into hobo: So sorry.
Hobo: Do that again! Bump into me again! I'll show you just how homeless I am!
–A Train
Lady, bumping into hobo: So sorry.
Hobo: Do that again! Bump into me again! I'll show you just how homeless I am!
–A Train
Pilot: We haven't been cleared for landing yet, so we're just going to have to fly around for about 30 minutes. We have about 45 minutes worth of fuel left, so we should be okay.
–Flight into LaGuardia
Overheard by: Andrea
TSA representative to man punching the beeping metal detector: Sir, I don't think that you understand how this works, but you are not supposed to punch the machine when it beeps.
–JFK
Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen of the jur… We'll be coming around to serve refreshments shortly.
–JFK to Burbank
Overheard by: Bella
Pilot: I would like to apologize for the long delay and I am happy to announce that we will shortly be making our way over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go in Louisville. Our flux capacitor is up and running and once this baby hits 188 miles per hour you'd better hold on tight.
–LaGuardia Airport
Pilot: So, is everyone excited to go to Honolulu?
–JFK Flight to San Francisco
Overheard by: that would be nice, though…
Starbucks barista (giving out some samples): Hey, would you like to sample our frappuccino?
Man with a bottle in a brown paper bag: Pssh. Nah. That shit don't go good with Hennessy.
Starbucks barista: Oh, okay. Have a good day.
Man with a bottle in a brown paper bag: Wait, sorry. That was fucked up. Do you wanna sample my Hennessy?
–Delancy & Allen, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Genia
Old lady in line at the bank #1: Excuse me, I'm not cutting you, I just need to speak with the teller.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: Well, excuse me, but you are cutting me.
Old lady in line at the bank #1: No, I'm not. The teller told me to come back when I was finished with this form. I'm just doing what I was told to.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: You're just doing what you were told to? That's what the Nazis said!
–87th & Madison
Overheard by: Carmela Machiato
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Chris K
Conductor: Put your purse inside the train. I said: "purse inside the train." Inside the train, that's no real Chanel!
–E Train
Overheard by: cran
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to be delayed for a couple of minutes, the wheels keep slipping. We aren't working with the best equipment here.
–LIRR
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry for the inconvenience and the delays. While expressing your dislike for the inconvenience, please do not curse, spit, or throw things at the conductor and train crew.
–V-train
Conductor: Keep on moving, don't block the aisles… Keep on moving, don't block the aisles… There's plenty of empty seats in the back cars. Don't just stare at the people next to you.
–Metro North Train
Conductor: Uptown! Uptown! Uptown express! You know where I'm going! Don't pretend like you don't know where I'm going!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Jamie
Conductor: Please walk forward for more seats. The front of the train is empty. It's like the freaking promised land up here!
–NJ Transit
Conductor, over loudspeaker: This is the A train making local stops on the F line. Next stop, who knows!?
–A Train
Overheard by: Schechter
Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You’re totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that shit?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I’d high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing)
–Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St
Overheard by: a
(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Michael
(guy runs by, slams into black girl on his way to make his train)
Black girl: Excuuuuuuuse you!
Guy: I’m on fire!
–L Train
Overheard by: clitoris rex
