Mom: If you don’t stop acting up I’m going to push you back into my tummy.
Little girl: No you can’t.
Mom: And why not? You came out of me, so I can certainly shove you back in.
Little girl: Because if you do, I’ll start screaming and call the cops on you.
–Daffy’s, Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Need a Belt
Girl: Babe, I’m gonna get my tits pierced.
Guy: And then I’ll chop them off for you.
–Loews 84th Street Theatre 6
Chick #1: Oh my god, that girl just opened her mouth so wide she could swallow the world.
Chick #2: Seriously, I think she just swallowed me. And while I was in there, there were three children with me…and a lhasa apso.
–44th & 2nd
Girl: Did you see those capris? They looked like the girl had her vagina on sideways!
–Windsor Terrace
Guy #1: Yeah, and she had tits like eggplants.
Guy #2: And they were hairy?
Guy #1: Yeah, the hairs were like this long and black.
Guy #2: That’s fucking sick.
–Penn Station
Guy #1: Man, how you gonna play like a kid came on to you? A four year old can’t even get it up.
Guy #2: How do you know? You hit on a four year old?
Guy #1: Nah, man. I was one.
–Elevator, Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Michele
Guy: Hey! Don’t touch me! You can’t sit here. People don’t just sit on the floor on the train.
Drunk woman: I have…a very bad…back…
Guy: Then ask somebody to give you their seat. Then go see a doctor.
She flips him off.
Woman #2: Oh no, she didn’t!
–A train
Overheard by: wish I’d been drunk at 9am
Little girl: Mommy, do you have veins in your head?
Mom: Of course you do. That’s how Grandma died; a big vein in her brain exploded.
–Starbucks, 54th & Broadway
Overheard by: Glynnis O
Drunk girl: What kind of guys do you like?…What kind of guys do you like? I like guys with big tits.
–2nd Avenue & 11th Street
Overheard by: vegantoast
Hobo: Spare some change for the leprechaun? I just need four dollars to get back over the rainbow.
–1 train
