Son: Mommy, why does god make these benches so uncomfortable?
Mommy: So you don't fall asleep. Now stop talking.
–Christ and St. Stephen's Church, W 69th St
Overheard by: falling asleep anyway
Son: Mommy, why does god make these benches so uncomfortable?
Mommy: So you don't fall asleep. Now stop talking.
–Christ and St. Stephen's Church, W 69th St
Overheard by: falling asleep anyway
Drunk girl at a party #1 (in a high-pitched “baby Jesus” voice): I want frankincense now! I want frankincense and myrrh right now! Why mama put me in the hay? I wanna bed! Why my momma can't have no house! I want frankincense!
Drunk girl at a party #2: The Catholic church is going to kick you in the face!
–Astoria
Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today.
–D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow
Overheard by: Margo
Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants.
–Trinity Church
Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid!
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: jen
Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit!
–McDonald's, Bayside
Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting!
–New York Transit Museum
Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna
40-something woman #1: I heard the New Year's Eve party at the church was whack.
40-something woman #2: Thank god I didn't go to church.
–E 42nd St
Overheard by: peterjohn
Boyfriend: I'd totally go to Jedi church.
Girlfriend: Why won't you come to my alien church, but you'll go to Jedi church?
Dorky third wheel: Cuz Jedis are real.
–V Train
Agitated man: God gave you a penis and a road map to the world! You don't need maps!
–Washington Square & University Place
Tween: God wants me to get drunk tonight!
–3rd & Mercer
Four-year-old child to mother: Mommy! We have to go to church on Sunday. God is going to repent us on Sunday!
–R Train
Overheard by: Marie
Hobo: And then I fucked god!
–Heckscher Playground, Central Park
Overheard by: Shiki
Jewish girl to friend: Oy! My bagel looks like god jerked off on it.
–Guy & Gallards, 34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Awkwardly eating his breakfast
Drunk girl to drunk friend crying on her coat: It's always so hard when you lose your soulmate in the bathroom line, but it's like, god works in mysterious ways, you know.
–W Train
Overheard by: Wes
Teenage girl: What stop do we get off at again?
Mom: Brick Church.
Teenage girl: What?
Mom: Brick Church.
Teenage girl: Brick?
Mom: Yes, as in “I want to throw a brick at you.”
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Sharing the Same Sentiment
Woman #1: She keeps acting all funny now, and I'm up to the point where I'll have to beat her ass.
Woman #2: You crazy.
Woman #1: I'm beating her ass right in church, you watch me!
Woman #2 (laughing): You crazy!
Woman #1: I'll say “Lord, forgive me,” before I beat her ass down right in front of the altar!
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Manhattman
Christian pamphlet-wielder: Excuse me, would you like to learn about the rapture?
Exasperated 20-something: I swear, if I see one more of you beam-me-up ladies…
–Penn Station
Father: We might not make it home in time for church.
Little boy: Hallelujah! We're gonna miss church!
–Bus to Staten Island
