The Pitter-Patter of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.

–1 Train

College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!

–Bleecker and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?

–St Marks Place, Staten Island

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!

–52nd & 7th

Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.

–Schenectady County Community College

Posted on May 2, 2020
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, College, Education, Fears, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Not New York, On Cell, On the Subway, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Staten Island, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

We So Had That Idea First

Girl on computer #10: Damn, this dumb bitch wants to start her own prostituting company.
Girl on computer #9: What a dumb bitch.

–Library, Baruch College

Overheard by: jackieisawuesome

Posted on April 15, 2020
College, Default, Girls, Insults, Library, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Prostitution

Today, Wednesday One-Liner Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It's not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my period this morning, and I just wanna get high.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: 447ght

Customer, buying two packs of Kotex: Next time you order these, you should get the kind with deodorant. It really makes a difference!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don't PMS!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: allie

Girl #1: I once made a Nativity from feminine products. (awkward silence) They weren't used, though…

–Barnard

Overheard by: Brooklyn

Posted on March 21, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Customers, Drugs, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Menstruation, On Cell, One-liners, Port Authority, Religion, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

NewsFlash: Art Student Slutty. Film at 11

Guy: Stop staring at me.
Girl: I'm not staring at you. What, I'm not allowed to look at you now?
Guy: Not like that. You have bedroom eyes.
Girl: Bedroom eyes? I don't have bedroom eyes. That's the way I normally look, you know that.
Guy: Yeah, because you're everyone's girl.
Girl: Shut up, no I'm not! Whatever, at least I get laid.

–Elevator, Pratt Institute

Overheard by: that girl

Posted on March 11, 2020
Body Parts, College, Girls, Guys, Sex

Ego & Hubris & Wednesday One-liners

Drunk girl: Sometimes, when I look at myself through the microscope of cold, hard objectivity, I think to myself, “God, you are awesome!”

–47th & 9th

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Posted on March 9, 2020
Body Parts, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Fashion, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Queers, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

She Could Have at Least Emailed

Guy: So my friend from New Jersey just texted me…
Girl: Yeah?
Guy: Yeah, she’s pregnant and wants to me to be the godfather.

–NYU bus

Posted on January 16, 2020
B & T, College, NYU, On the Bus, Parents

Jesus: No, We’re Cool Now

Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Posted on December 3, 2019
Assholes, College, History & Geography, Jesus, Judaism, Teachers/Professors

People From Upstate Love This

Cali girl #1: Where do you go again?
Cornell girl: Cornell.
Cali girl #2: Oh. Where is that?
Cali girl #1: Oh my god, don’t you know it’s in New York?
Cali girl #2: Umm no, you idiot, we’re in New York and she said she just drove hours to get here.
Cali girl #1: Oh right..I think it’s in like.. the state that New York is in? New York state?
Cornell girl: Yeah. Ithaca.
Cali girl #1: Right right! Middle of nowhere, right? Shithaca!
Cornell girl: Umm.

–59th & 5th

Overheard by: love cali girls

Posted on November 1, 2019
College, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Tourists

Right, in the Same Way That Cornell Is “Ivy League”

Slacker #1: Yo, man, where you goin’ to college?
Slacker #2: Just a CUNY, man — Queens College.
Slacker #1: Yo, man, isn’t that a borough? Is that Borough College?
Slacker #2: I’m not sure. Yeah, man, maybe. Manhattan College would be ‘City college,’ right?

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Ashamed to go to school with them

Posted on August 31, 2019
College, Idiots, Stupidity

The Moon Has Water?

Question girl: Well, if the sky is only blue when the sun is shining on it, then how come the Earth looks blue when they take pictures from the Moon?
Professor: Well, that's probably because of all the water.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Posted on August 21, 2019
Animals & Nature, Astronomy, College, Education, Manhattan, Students, Teachers/Professors