Columbia University

Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity

Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded library dweller

Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.

–L train, 3rd Ave stop

Overheard by: katiebeans

Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.

–56th & 5th

15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: gutterlush

Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’

–JFK

Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty

Guy taking out trash: Oh, man, this is pretty gross.
Girl: Yes, it’s full of your semen.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: LB

Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here.

–Statistics lecture, Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles

Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.

–Upscale hair salon

NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick?

–NYU

Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos.

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Catherine

Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve.

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred

Guy #1: You know, 82 percent of the world is not cut.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’m not circumcised.
Guy #3: Dude! That’s gross!
Guy #2: No — how so? It’s cool.
Guy #3: Yo, let’s call up some bitch and ask her what’s hotter: a dick with the skin or without it.
Guy #4: You know, the David is not circumcised.
Guy #2: See?! Cut penises are so bare.
Guy #5: How would you know?!
Guy #4: Yeah, but the David’s Jewish… It’s wrong! And how does an uncircumcised penis help you?
Guy #2: It protects dirt from coming in.

–Columbia University

Chick #1: Can you hand me my eye drops? They’re in my bag.
Dude: What do you need them for?
Chick #1: My eye-ritis.
Dude: Wait… Eye-ritis? Like arthritis?
Chick #1: Yeah…
Chick #2: Guess how she got it? She slapped herself! [Laughs.]Chick #1: And now I probably have AIDS.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Dude #1, burping loudly: I know you’re gassy if you have to fart a lot, but what are you if you have to burp a lot?
Dude #2: Same thing, in the opposite direction.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wiley Willis

Girl #1, outraged: How could you have sex without us?!
Girl #2: Relax — it was with a guy.

–Columbia University

Guy: … And I had a really weird dream last night.
Girl: Oh, yeah? About what?
Guy: Mass murder.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Taking the stairs next time

Girl: So, do you know anything about the Holocaust?
Roommate: Like what?
Girl: I don’t know — like, fun facts or something?

–Dorm, Columbia

Dude #1: Dude, I can’t believe it’s going to be like fucking minus eight tomorrow!
Dude #2: Shit. Isn’t freezing, like, 32?
Dude #1: Damn. That means it’s actually going to be like minus 40, right?
Dude #2: Yeah.

–Columbia University