Couples

Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…

–Hudson River Park

Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?

–F Train

Overheard by: Elise

Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Megan

Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Josh

Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!

–77th & 34th

Raise Your Hand If You're Craving Bacon Now.

Girl, reading sign in front of The Met: Francis Bacon…
Boyfriend: Um?
Girl: You know that satire with human-eating babies?
Boyfriend: Uh-huh.
Girl: That was him.

–81st & 5th

Overheard by: Dana

But You Promised to Do My Taxes!

Chick: I can’t believe you can talk about how much you love your country, and you don’t even pay taxes!
Dude: I’ve paid more taxes than you’ve sucked dick. Which is a lot.
Chick, after long pause: I don’t know why you’re walking so fast — nothing’s happening when we get to your apartment.

–4th St & the Bowery

Tonight's Movie: When Brian Met Suzie

20-something hipster boyfriend: Are you attracted to Brian?
20-something hipster girlfriend: No.
20-something hipster boyfriend: I don't believe you.
20-something hipster girlfriend: Okay, well, I can't really say anything that would convince you, except… Me being attracted to your friend Brian is just as likely as you being attracted to my friend Suzie.
20-something hipster boyfriend: Fuck! No! Okay, I believe you.

–2 Train

Overheard by: emily darwin

…Like a Gentleman

Man, from second floor window: Bye, babe, can't wait to see you again!
Woman, passing by: You wanna fuck me again, you better get me pizza next time!

–Bradhurst Ave & 150th St

A Little-Known Clause in the AA Handbook

Boyfriend in sing-song voice: You drank like a fi-ish!
Girlfriend: So what? So did you.
Boyfriend: Well, I was coming off the summer of fuck, so it was alright.

–West Village

Black Magic Is My Anti-Drug

Guy: What did you do all day?
Girl: Just drinking chicken blood and performing other secret rituals.
Guy: Nice. [They make out on street corner.]

–Houston & Ave C

And I Was Drunk When I Did That

Very underage thugette: Look, they have a happy hour!
20-something thug: Shit, girl, you ain't old enough.
Very underage thugette: Nah, they won't check.
20-something thug: Yeah, they will–they'll kick you out and send me to jail.
Very underage thugette: But we're married!

–Outside Bar, Underhill Ave, Brooklyn

Us Non-Retards Read What’s Actually on the Lines

Chick: You talkin’ to me like I’m retarded! I can read between the lines…I can read under the lines and above the lines! But you’re talkin’ like I have a mental condition!
Guy: Sorry, baby…

–5 train

Overheard by: Brian Vitunic

More Demand for That Than You Might Think

Woman: So, what do you do?
Man: Well, I meet new people in new environments… and I kill them.

–Italian restaurant, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Spencer

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