Yuppie wife to husband: I bet I know what those stains are on your gloves…
Husband: I highly doubt I was fingering you with these gloves on.
–Whole Foods Escalator, Time Warner Center
Overheard by: A-Robb
Yuppie wife to husband: I bet I know what those stains are on your gloves…
Husband: I highly doubt I was fingering you with these gloves on.
–Whole Foods Escalator, Time Warner Center
Overheard by: A-Robb
Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!
–E 9th St & University Place
Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012
Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.
–F Train
Overheard by: office peon
Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!
–Gee Whiz, Tribeca
Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!
–Uptown 2 Train
Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.
–96th & Broadway
Boyfriend: I found one of those things in my desk today, you know, like for a stamp.
Girlfriend: An ink pad?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Did you touch it?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Did you wash it off?
Boyfriend, examining finger: Almost.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, why do you have to touch everything?
–Uptown F Train
Overheard by: Laura
Man: We’ll be the opposite of the Cosby family.
Woman: Yeah — white!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Lauren
New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That's why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.
–Movie Theater Line
Overheard by: Cindee
Fat black girlfriend: Remember when I used to get high and see dead people in my house?
Nerdy white boyfriend: What?
–7th Ave & 1st St
Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?
–86th St
Overheard by: Kevin
Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!
–Charles & 4th
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…
–Pratt Institute
Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!
–5th & 21st
Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!
–Carnegie Deli
Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods)
–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side
Man: Bert was a lot quieter than Ernie.
Woman: This train is a lot quieter than Ernie.
Man: Nine-eleven was a lot quieter than Ernie.
–1 train
Overheard by: DL
Girl: Look at the line at FAO Schwartz.
Guy: No honey, it’s FAO Schwarz. Schwarz. It’s like Schwartz, but without the Jew.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Jonas
