Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington

Posted on February 22, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Boyfriends, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Harassment, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penn Station, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

So She Came Back to New York, Where Everything Runs Like Clockwork

Loud suit: And she thought it wasn't organized enough! It was an orphanage in Tanza-fucking-nia!
Suit's wife, laughing: Where did she think she was, Switzerland?

–5th Ave & 57th St

Posted on January 21, 2018
Couples, Global Geography, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Suits, Travel

Way to Use Your Noodle!

Old man looking around and spotting banner for pasta store: Paaaasssttttaaaaaa…
Old man's wife, happily: Pasta! That says pasta!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: I prefer pizza

Posted on January 5, 2018
Bryant Park, Couples, Food, Happiness, Old People

I Get All My Information from Passing Strangers

Husband to wife: I can't tell if this is a circus or a zoo.
Random gay passerby: Oh my god! It's a zoo!
Wife to husband: Well, I guess that clears that up.

–The Armory Show, Pier 94

Posted on December 31, 2017
Compare/Contrast, Couples, More museums, Queer guys, Weirdness

Out of What, Now?

Old white husband: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for dinner all the time.
Old white husband: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white husband: I don’t remember, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.

–D train

Overheard by: daniela

Posted on December 9, 2017
Age/Aging, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Nostalgia, Old People, On the Subway, Talking/Convos, White People

And What's More Hilarious Than Middle-aged Sex?

Comedy show promoter: Comedy show tonight! 50% off, right here! What about you guys?
Middle-aged woman with husband: No thanks, we're seeing a movie.
Comedy show promoter: What about after your movie? We got late shows too!
Middle-aged woman: That's when we go home and have sex. Thanks, though.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on December 7, 2017
Couples, Film, Home, Sweet Home, Offers and requests, Sex, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on November 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

You Put That in Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.

–Spring Street and 6th St

Overheard by: Sarah O.

Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…

–Downtown ‘1’ Train

Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: bonifacia

Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.

–Meat-packing District

Overheard by: Erin

Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!

–Bleeker & Barrow

Overheard by: ivy270

Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!

–Union Square

Posted on October 6, 2017
Advice, Ass, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Questions, Soho, The Village, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Do You Even Need the Ferry?

Big guy to girlfriend after stepping on her feet in the crowd: I'm sorry. It's not my fault I have these huge boats for feet.
Random lady: They could be canoes…

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Posted on October 1, 2017
Apologies, Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Ferry, Physical appearance, Staten Island Ferry, Strangers

Friends Episodes Often Break Out in Park Slope

Guy: I love you, you know that?
Girlfriend: Fuck you. I know you fucked my sister. It's over.
Guy: But I love you!
(girl slaps him and walks away)
Guy, to barista: I probably deserved that.
Barista: Fuck you.

–Gorilla Coffee, Park Slope

Posted on May 24, 2017
Baristas, Breaking Up, Couples, Family Ties, Infidelity, Insults, Love, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes

Couples