Crime and Punishment

Columbia guy: So then Caroline* decided to take all of his valuables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Columbia chick: That’s hilarious!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ein Ladle

Headline by: Mikey G.

Runners-Up:
· “And After He Killed Her, He Pretended to Do CPR!” – JesusFreak
· “And She Didn’t Check the Psycho Box on Match.com” – digruntled internet dater
· “He Didn’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Surprise Birthday Party Either…” – Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kidding Your Place Wasn’t Robbed Sex” Was Awesome, Too.” – anonmouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Masculinity” on Insurance Claim Forms” – Jamie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Chick: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Yeah, you tried to pack me in a suitcase once.
Chick: Oh, yeah! And you wouldn’t get in!
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Yeah…

Chick erupts with nervous laughter.

–Uptown 6 train

Overheard by: kelsey

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who's the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they're both in jail now or something.
Boy: That's like the time that family in my town had those slaves.

–Crowded Elevator, NYU

Overheard by: confused

Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.

–Grand Central

Older man: You get on my nerves… You get on my nerves, and I do not want to be arrested for beating a child.
Kid, cheerfully: You won't!

–Staples, Broadway & 184th St

Overheard by: prefers them over easy

“Legalize Marijuana” volunteer: Legalize marijuana now!
Cop to another: Man, I agree with that.

–Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Remi

Lawyer's, interviewing prospective jurors: Have you or anyone in your family been the victim of a crime?
50-something woman: Well, we've all been mugged… is that a crime?

–New York Supreme Court

Overheard by: Robin

Woman on cell: So, your man coming with you tonight, or he still locked up?

–42nd & Park

Overheard by: June L.

Hobo collecting bottles: Man, I’m getting too skinny, I gotta go back to jail.

–87th & 2nd

Overheard by: Wagner crew

Tourist father to family, crossing mid-block: Okay, this is our first jaywalk!
Little kid: I'm so excited!

–45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Linda Stein

[Patrol car flashing lights at curb. Small group of high-schoolers corralled against wall]Police officer: So what happened –what did you see?
Sharp teen: No hablo inglés.
Officer, in perfect Spanish: Entonces, que pasó? Qué viste?
Smart teen: No hablo español!

–85th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Christopher Stone