Guy #1: So, Martha Stewart got out of jail today.
Guy #2: Yeah, she looks kinda hot…it must have been all the weightlifting!
–Pa Kua Martial Arts, 38th & 6th
Guy #1: So, Martha Stewart got out of jail today.
Guy #2: Yeah, she looks kinda hot…it must have been all the weightlifting!
–Pa Kua Martial Arts, 38th & 6th
Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.
–Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Lynne & Craig
Columbia guy: So then Caroline* decided to take all of his valuables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Columbia chick: That’s hilarious!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ein Ladle
Headline by: Mikey G.
Runners-Up:
· “And After He Killed Her, He Pretended to Do CPR!” – JesusFreak
· “And She Didn’t Check the Psycho Box on Match.com” – digruntled internet dater
· “He Didn’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Surprise Birthday Party Either…” – Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kidding Your Place Wasn’t Robbed Sex” Was Awesome, Too.” – anonmouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Masculinity” on Insurance Claim Forms” – Jamie
Chick: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Yeah, you tried to pack me in a suitcase once.
Chick: Oh, yeah! And you wouldn’t get in!
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Yeah…
Chick erupts with nervous laughter.
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: kelsey
Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who's the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they're both in jail now or something.
Boy: That's like the time that family in my town had those slaves.
–Crowded Elevator, NYU
Overheard by: confused
Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.
–Grand Central
Older man: You get on my nerves… You get on my nerves, and I do not want to be arrested for beating a child.
Kid, cheerfully: You won't!
–Staples, Broadway & 184th St
Overheard by: prefers them over easy
“Legalize Marijuana” volunteer: Legalize marijuana now!
Cop to another: Man, I agree with that.
–Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Remi
Lawyer's, interviewing prospective jurors: Have you or anyone in your family been the victim of a crime?
50-something woman: Well, we've all been mugged… is that a crime?
–New York Supreme Court
Overheard by: Robin
Woman on cell: So, your man coming with you tonight, or he still locked up?
–42nd & Park
Overheard by: June L.
Hobo collecting bottles: Man, I’m getting too skinny, I gotta go back to jail.
–87th & 2nd
Overheard by: Wagner crew
