Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, someone ain’t gonna see they momma in the mornin’, y’know?
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Mike Sidoti
Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life.
–Bx21 bus
Overheard by: Fiona
Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money.
–7 train
Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something.
–6th Ave. between 50th & 51st
Teenage girl #1: So Judge Judy is a racist.
Teenage girl #2: Isn’t she in charge of all the New York judges, don’t they all report to her?
Teenage girl #3: Nah, I think she’s just in charge of the TV judges.
–2 train
Overheard by: Lisa Marshall
Pregnant woman: They really need to make cigarettes illegal. I can smell that woman’s smoke from half a block away. Anything you can smell from half a block away has got to be outlawed. I mean, I’ve never smelled a fart from half a block away!
–Houston & Thompson
A businesswoman throws up over the edge of the ferry. A chick walks up to help her, and then admonishes the ignoring crowd standing around her: You should all be ashamed of yourselves for not helping this poor woman!
Headphones Guy: Fuck you!
Chick: What if it was you getting sick over the rail?
Headphones Guy: Fuck you! I don’t get sick!
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy #1: Don’t you think that makes sense?
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t make sense, which is why I think we’re going to fucking get arrested!
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: David Lock
Crazy guy: I have fallen off the earth and been plastered to the moon! But I’m back.
Cellmate: Uh huh.
Crazy guy: It’s hard to piss out your stomach when they’re tracking
your shoes.
Cellmate: Yup.
–Central booking, Centre Street
Overheard by: the holding cell across from them
Young thug to ASPCA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
ASPCA rep: Yes, she is up for adoption, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that's cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
ASPCA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain't gonna beat her.
–Union Square, ASPCA Day
Overheard by: Somebody should beat him.
Black guy: Man, niggas got guns. You don’t know what they gonna do.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: couldn’t stop laughing
Hungry guy: Tell him I’m gonna kick his ass! Tell him I’m gonna fuck him up, and tell him to bring food.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Autumn
Mother of the Year: My momma said, “All you gotta do is beat the hell out the biggest one of them, and the rest will fall in line.” And she was right, too.
–23rd & 11th
Woman on cell: She went and married that man who her first husband shot her for goin’ out with.
–Foley Square
Enthusiastic guy: Yeah! Come down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped! Just come on down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped. Yeah! We’ll whip your ass. So just come down to Ditmars. You’ll get your ass whipped.
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Richard Berman
Amateur chiropractor: She told the cops I hit her with a golf club. I didn’t hit that bitch with no golf club. If I hit that bitch with a golf club, her neck would be broken.
–Behind Pathmark, 125th St
Overheard by: wadotron
Happy hobo: Oh man! Oh man! [Hugs friend repeatedly] Now I’m gonna kick your ass!
–G train
Overheard by: greenpoint blank
20-something Puerto Rican on cell: We're walking to the court right now. Yeah, he is an asshole, she's gonna get an order of protection.
20-something black woman, yelling: Yeah, I am tired of his violent shit!
20-something Puerto Rican: Uh-huh, but we're gonna get a patty first. She's hungry.
–Jamaica Ave & 153rd St, Queens
Overheard by: walking to court
Chinese guy: Excuse me, I think I dropped my wallet in this store. Did you guys happen to see a wallet anywhere in here?
Clerk: I’m sorry sir, we are good Buddhist people, and we good Buddhist people are always moral, and we would never do such a thing as stealing your wallet.
Chinese guy: I never said you stole my wallet, I just asked if you’ve seen my wallet.
Clerk: Goodbye, please come again. Next on line!
Chinese guy: Go fuck Buddha!
Translated from the Chinese.
–Flushing store
Overheard by: Ting
