Old lady in line at the bank #1: Excuse me, I'm not cutting you, I just need to speak with the teller.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: Well, excuse me, but you are cutting me.
Old lady in line at the bank #1: No, I'm not. The teller told me to come back when I was finished with this form. I'm just doing what I was told to.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: You're just doing what you were told to? That's what the Nazis said!
–87th & Madison
Overheard by: Carmela Machiato
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Chris K
Chick about cute guy standing: So, his penis… Big, small, doody ball?
Queer: Umm… It's good…slightly larger than doody ball.
Chick: Oh…good.
–Q Train
Overheard by: ShayaKNYC
20-something Long Island girl: Oh god! This breakup has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly don't even care that he dumped me.
Friend: Yeah, totally.
20-something Long Island girl: Seriously, he needs to realize if it wasn't for that sweater he was wearing, and the fact that I was on ecstasy that night, we would have never dated for this long.
Friend: Yeah! It was J.Crew… And they were double stacked…you were powerless.
–Lokal Bar, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Aaron
Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: The Happy Hippie
College guy #1: Wanna see the best dildo ever?
(shows a digital camera screen to his friend)
College guy #2: Awesome, did you sit on it?
College guy #1: No, but Alissa did, her pussy is so wide.
College guy #2: So true.
–F Line
Seven-year-old girl to her mom: I have more jewelry than you! I have more jewelry than you!
Mother: Like many things in life, this is not a competition.
Girl: Of course it's a competition!
–West Broadway & Broome Street, SoHo
Overheard by: And I thought people would be quoting me…
Teen girl #1: So yeah, like…Paris Hilton totally got kicked out of our school for doing coke too!
Teen girl #2: Paris Hilton went to our school?!
Teen girl #1: Bitch, this isn't about Paris… All I can say is: How cool is it that I got kicked out of the same school as Paris Hilton did, for the same reason?
Teen girl #2: Wait, you got kicked out?
Teen girl #1: Why the fuck do you think I'm not in class anymore?
Teen girl #2: Everyone thought you were pregnant again.
–Park Bench, 89 & CPW
(large Russian woman walks by and says hi)
Old Jewish guy #1: Waddya think of her? She's Russian, right?
Old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, yeah, you can tell. I don't go for that, though. She's a big broad, real chunky. She's like a big tomato.
–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park
Overheard by: makes me hungry…
Chick: Her Facebook picture is her double-fisting two beer bottles.
Queer: Oh, please. You know they were originally two cocks and she Photoshopped them out.
–House party, 172 & Broadway
Overheard by: Well-dressed Indian boy
