Tales from the Supermarket

Obese cashier lady: This soy milk supposed to make you slender?
Woman: Uh, I dunno.
Skinny cashier lady: Girl, ain’t no soy milk gonna make your fat ass slender!
Obese cashier lady: Shut your ass up.

–Gristedes, West 64th Street

Overheard by: vegannramember

Man #1: I’m talkin’ about cup noodles, nigga.
Man #2: Them shits is good.
Man #1: They’s cheaper than mac and cheese.
Man #2: Mac and cheese went up by a dollar!
Man #1: Tell me you is playin’!

–L train

Overheard by: Mason Buck

Cashier lady: How come this rings up as “Homo Milk”?

–K-mart, East 8th Street

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Loudspeaker: Aisle 10 is now open for customers with less than a million items.

–Key Food, Astoria

Overheard by: Christa

Posted on October 19, 2014
Advice, Diet/Weight, Food, Grocery Stores, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

When I Chain You to the Treadmill Tonight, I’ll Be Doing It with Love

Middle-aged woman on her cell: Where are you? Don’t get the pizza, it’s too many calories. Just get a salad or something. Well, I only say that because I had a nightmare last night where you got big. It was awful. Oh, honey, come on I love you, stop.
I’m just saying, if you had a dream that a building was collapsing and a guy was about to walk into it, wouldn’t you say “stop”? Well, then we agree.

–Pax Wholesome Foods, 6th & 40th

Posted on October 19, 2014
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Dreams, Food, On Cell, Pizza, Questions, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

I Won’t Have What She’s Having

Loud guy: That’s because you have an awesome metabolism.
Loud girl: No, that’s because I have IBS.

–Diner

Overheard by: Jackie

Posted on October 17, 2014
Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Guys

Maybe I'll Just Get a Dick

20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.

–Manhattan Ave & 110th St

Posted on October 13, 2014
Beauty, Clothing, Columbia University, Diet/Weight, Girls, Penis, Physical appearance, Trannies

Apparently Not Her Only Problem.

Unattractive girl, whining: Baby, don't get the carrot cake.
Unattractive boyfriend: Why not? I like carrot cake. You don't have to eat it.
Unattractive girl: Well, I have no self-control, and I don't want to get fat.
Unattractive boyfriend: Baby, carrot cake is not your problem. Mayonnaise is your problem.

–Westside Market, Upper West Side

Overheard by: They should switch to Miracle Whip

Posted on October 10, 2014
Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

This Could Be an Entire Episode Of Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Man selling candy #1 to very pretty but overweight girl: Hey miss, you wanna buy a candy bar?
Pretty but overweight girl: Do I look like I need any more candy?!
Man selling candy #2: You look good to me!

–Outside JC Penny

Posted on October 7, 2014
Compliments, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Street, Vendors & Street Performers

The Birth of the Hair Gel Diet –and You Are There!

Teen girl #1: Man… I really need some hair gel.
Teen girl #2: This morning, my mom told me I was too fat to go to prom.

–Bathroom, Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: thivnav

Posted on October 6, 2014
Battery Park, Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Hair, Jobs & Careers, Parents, Stuyvesant, Stuyvesant Town, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Didn’t Ask for Facts, Either

Guy who just managed to squeeze onto the train: There no room here.
Girl trying to get on the train: I didn’t ask for no attitude.
Guy: You’re too fat.

–1 Train

Overheard by: DL

Posted on October 6, 2014
Comebacks, Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation

Spreading Your Loaves and All…

Man: I could die for a cracker.
Woman: You're really serious about that Atkins diet, huh?
Man: The closest thing I get to carbs these days is doggy style sex with you.

–5th St & Broadway

Posted on October 6, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Men, Questions, Sex, The Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park