Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday.
–Outside NYU Dorm
Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid?
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Laura
Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you.
–7 Train
Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug!
–Runway Strip, JFK
Overheard by: PSUny
Man in tweed jacket and bowler hat to woman sitting next to him: Lose some weight! (stands up to find another seat)
Woman, staring: I guess he had a bad day.
–M86 Bus
Artsy girl #1: I think it would be fun to make out with Adam. You know, just to touch his chest a bit.
Artsy girl #2: But I thought you said that you think Adam is fat.
Artsy girl #1: He is fat.
Artsy girl #2: He is not fat.
Artsy girl #1: Okay… He’s not really fat, but he’s always been well-fed!
–Manhattan-bound L train
Girl #1: No, dammit. Not Italian. I’m so fat, you guys.
Girl #2: What? Shut up! You’re skinnier than all my other friends. You’re skinnier than me!
Girl #1: I have a fat soul.
Guy: The word you’re looking for is “jolly.”
–N train
Obese cashier lady: This soy milk supposed to make you slender?
Woman: Uh, I dunno.
Skinny cashier lady: Girl, ain’t no soy milk gonna make your fat ass slender!
Obese cashier lady: Shut your ass up.
–Gristedes, West 64th Street
Overheard by: vegannramember
Man #1: I’m talkin’ about cup noodles, nigga.
Man #2: Them shits is good.
Man #1: They’s cheaper than mac and cheese.
Man #2: Mac and cheese went up by a dollar!
Man #1: Tell me you is playin’!
–L train
Overheard by: Mason Buck
Cashier lady: How come this rings up as “Homo Milk”?
–K-mart, East 8th Street
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Loudspeaker: Aisle 10 is now open for customers with less than a million items.
–Key Food, Astoria
Overheard by: Christa
Middle-aged woman on her cell: Where are you? Don’t get the pizza, it’s too many calories. Just get a salad or something. Well, I only say that because I had a nightmare last night where you got big. It was awful. Oh, honey, come on I love you, stop.
I’m just saying, if you had a dream that a building was collapsing and a guy was about to walk into it, wouldn’t you say “stop”? Well, then we agree.
–Pax Wholesome Foods, 6th & 40th
Loud guy: That’s because you have an awesome metabolism.
Loud girl: No, that’s because I have IBS.
–Diner
Overheard by: Jackie
20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.
–Manhattan Ave & 110th St
Unattractive girl, whining: Baby, don't get the carrot cake.
Unattractive boyfriend: Why not? I like carrot cake. You don't have to eat it.
Unattractive girl: Well, I have no self-control, and I don't want to get fat.
Unattractive boyfriend: Baby, carrot cake is not your problem. Mayonnaise is your problem.
–Westside Market, Upper West Side
Overheard by: They should switch to Miracle Whip
Man selling candy #1 to very pretty but overweight girl: Hey miss, you wanna buy a candy bar?
Pretty but overweight girl: Do I look like I need any more candy?!
Man selling candy #2: You look good to me!
–Outside JC Penny
