Skater dude #1: I am mad smart, yo. My parents won’t even tell me my IQ. It’s so high they’re afraid to.
Skater dude #2: I seriously doubt that, man.
Skater dude #1: No, my sister’s way smart. She’s getting her Master’s degree, and my parents told me mine was higher than hers.
Skater dude #2: Dude, she could be smart but you could totally not be. It skips a generation.
Skater dude #1: Not in my family it doesn’t.
–3rd St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: eiaboca
Mother: See, it says these are endangered deer from China.
Tween daughter: I guess they are from China. Look at their slanty eyes!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Nina Drummond
Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I’ll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wish I Knew His Sister
Son, father, and mother are standing in a triangle.
Son: Why aren’t you throwing it to me?
Father, holding frisbee: Because you’re not participating.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Rachel Strauss
Man on crowded train: If my mother were here, I’d sit on her lap.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: not his mother
Amateur anthropologist: It’s not incest unless it’s, like, your brother.
–E 72nd
Mom, to teenage son: Darling, sweetie, love of my life, I’ve accepted that you’re gay, haven’t I? And there’s a lot more that I’m willing to accept. But if there is one thing I’m not ok with, it’s flat-ironing my son’s hair. Ask your sister.
–Uptown 6 train
Woman on cell: You did what?…Why the fuck would you do that?…Yeah, I know he’s your cousin, but you didn’t have to tell him that I slept with his brother. I was going to tell him…When?…After we got married!!
–13th & University
Girl, digging through purse: Shit, I think my cousin robbed me.
–Urban Outfitters, Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: intern
Screaming woman: I’m not in your house; I’m in the middle of the street! Stop making fun of my grandmother!
–W 139th St, 2 a.m.
Overheard by: Isha
Girl on cell: I don’t look at him like a father; I look at him like the man who gave birth to me.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Cat
Woman #1: It’s his second wedding, and he’s having one hundred and fifty people.
Woman #2: Wow, I don’t even think I had that many at my first wedding.
Young woman, toasting: To the asshole.
Woman #2: Oh, come on, your father is not an asshole.
Young woman: Fine.
Woman #2: He’s a schmuck.
–15th & 3rd
Overheard by: Anna
Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!
–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx
Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.
–Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chicago Guy
Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?
–14th & 8th
Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.
–Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea
Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Thug guy: Son, he was pissed. She swallowed his cousin’s babies, but she wouldn’t swallow his.
Thug girl: That ain’t true love.
–L train
Teenage girl #1: He’s a good kisser.
Teenage girl #2: That’s gross. He’s your cousin!
Teenage girl #1: No! Not anymore he’s not.
–Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: boywryter
