Young woman: So you got any kids?
Older man: Nope, no kids.
Young woman: What about grandkids?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Toastmaster
Young woman: So you got any kids?
Older man: Nope, no kids.
Young woman: What about grandkids?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Toastmaster
Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.
–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: DC
Girl #1: My dad bugs me, too. He’s always buying orange juice because it costs less than other juices.
Girl #2: I’m sorry.
Girl #1: Now I fucking hate orange juice. What the fuck is that about? Orange juice is like a cheap whore to me now.
–Upper West Side
Man to wife: …and I said, “What are you: a crackhead?!”
Young daughter: What’s a crackhead, Daddy?
Man: It’s someone that slipped and cracked their head.
Strung-out hobo walks by, asking for change.
Man: See, honey. He’s a crackhead.
–E Fordham Rd & Lorillard Pl, the Bronx
Skater dude #1: I am mad smart, yo. My parents won’t even tell me my IQ. It’s so high they’re afraid to.
Skater dude #2: I seriously doubt that, man.
Skater dude #1: No, my sister’s way smart. She’s getting her Master’s degree, and my parents told me mine was higher than hers.
Skater dude #2: Dude, she could be smart but you could totally not be. It skips a generation.
Skater dude #1: Not in my family it doesn’t.
–3rd St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: eiaboca
Mother: See, it says these are endangered deer from China.
Tween daughter: I guess they are from China. Look at their slanty eyes!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Nina Drummond
Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I’ll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wish I Knew His Sister
Son, father, and mother are standing in a triangle.
Son: Why aren’t you throwing it to me?
Father, holding frisbee: Because you’re not participating.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Rachel Strauss
Man on crowded train: If my mother were here, I’d sit on her lap.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: not his mother
Amateur anthropologist: It’s not incest unless it’s, like, your brother.
–E 72nd
Mom, to teenage son: Darling, sweetie, love of my life, I’ve accepted that you’re gay, haven’t I? And there’s a lot more that I’m willing to accept. But if there is one thing I’m not ok with, it’s flat-ironing my son’s hair. Ask your sister.
–Uptown 6 train
Woman on cell: You did what?…Why the fuck would you do that?…Yeah, I know he’s your cousin, but you didn’t have to tell him that I slept with his brother. I was going to tell him…When?…After we got married!!
–13th & University
Girl, digging through purse: Shit, I think my cousin robbed me.
–Urban Outfitters, Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: intern
Screaming woman: I’m not in your house; I’m in the middle of the street! Stop making fun of my grandmother!
–W 139th St, 2 a.m.
Overheard by: Isha
Girl on cell: I don’t look at him like a father; I look at him like the man who gave birth to me.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Cat
Woman #1: It’s his second wedding, and he’s having one hundred and fifty people.
Woman #2: Wow, I don’t even think I had that many at my first wedding.
Young woman, toasting: To the asshole.
Woman #2: Oh, come on, your father is not an asshole.
Young woman: Fine.
Woman #2: He’s a schmuck.
–15th & 3rd
Overheard by: Anna
