Oooh, Could They Be Both?

NJ mom on cell with son #1: Anthony! Anthony, It’s Mamma. Stop crying right now. It’s okay, honey. It’s going to stop hurting in two minutes. Jesus, with the sobbing already! Put your brother on.
NJ mom on cell with son #2: I want you to stop doing that thing to your brother. If you make him cry again I’m going to make you cry. Do you hear me? Don’t play stupid with me. I get enough of that from it your father. What? Put him on… Stop laughing… Put Daddy on the phone or so help me Jesus…
NJ mom on phone with the father: Jerkoff, what the fuck is going on over there? I leave the house for five goddamm minutes and you are all flicking each other’s balls again… Stop fucking laughing. You are going to make them retarded or gay or something!

–Clinique counter at Bloomingdales, 59th St

Overheard by: waiting online behind her

Posted on November 14, 2006
Family Ties, Parents, Store

And, I Mean, If She Were Still Alive and All

Girl: If I were a lesbian, I’d totally go for her!
Guy: Who?
Girl: Priscilla! Well…I mean, if she weren’t my sister.

–M23 Bus

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on November 4, 2006
Bimbettes, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Horny, Incest, Lesbians, On the Bus, Wishes & desires

The Terms of His Parole Require All the Residents of Manhattan to Hit Him

Hispanic thug #1: You have to hit a kid to teach him respect.
Hispanic thug #2: That doesn’t work
Hispanic thug #1: Sure it does, remember when I stole that stuff when I was younger and dad hit me? That taught me the respect that I needed not to steal
Hispanic thug #2: You still steal.
Hispanic thug #1: Yeah, but not from my family.

–Downtown 4

Posted on October 28, 2006
Family Ties, Kids, Latinos, On the Subway, Thievery, Thugs, Violence

It’s her Love of hot Chocolate, if You Follow me

Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?

–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Cleo

Posted on October 19, 2006
Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Idiots, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Stupidity

The Ivory Tower has Some Cum Stains

Guy #1: Oh my god man! I just saw my ex!
Guy #2: So…fuck her!
Guy #1: Yeah,… fuck that fucking cunt…fucking cunt!
Guy #2: Did she look hot…?
Guy #1: Cunt.

–Pace University

Overheard by: Al Wilner

Posted on October 15, 2006
Assholes, Family Ties, Hook Ups, Nicknames & name calling, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White Trash

Think We Should Tell Her What I Got Pierced?

Woman #1: Rhoda! Did you see Chrissie’s tattoo?
Woman #2: Oh no!
Woman #1: And here.
Woman #2 to teen: Are you crazy? Do you know what that shit is going to look like when you get pregnant and it stretches all out and hangs there? I ought to kick you both down these steps throwing good money away.

–Met Steps

Overheard by: Blondie

Posted on October 14, 2006
Family Ties, Upper East Side, White Trash

Your Mom is Wearing Me Out

Girl:…Oh come on, it won’t be that bad.
Guy: Fuck no! I am NOT fucking your sister!

–Grand Central

Posted on October 13, 2006
Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Sex, Three is Company

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, BJs, Business and Commerce, Cell Phone, Cocaine, Drinks, Drugs, Family Ties, Gripes, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Panhandling, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed

Family Ties