Teen chick #1: So, like, how come you always hear about how they do tests and stuff to find out who babies’ dads are, but you never hear about dads checking who the mother is?
Teen chick #2: I guess the dads just never care that much.
–F train
Overheard by: please stop talking
Blonde yuppie: I went dinner with Mom and him the other day, and he was talking about getting in touch with that guy in India to get his connections. He said that he wants to start smuggling drugs, too. I said to him, ‘Dad, you cannot become a drug dealer.’
Blonde, yuppie sister: Oh my god, you know he would totally do that just to get attention.
–SoHo
Model: My agency is the only place where I feel at home, ’cause none of the men want to fuck me.
Friend: What about at Christmas with your family?
Model: Nope.
–Union Square
Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.
–Bryant Park
Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.
–N train, Queens
Overheard by: Morgan
Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.
–Bar, Lower East Side
Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?
–Houston and Elizabeth
Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’
–20th St & 8th Ave
Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!
–12th St & University Pl
Overheard by: Joe
Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.
–33rd & 7th
NJ mom on cell with son #1: Anthony! Anthony, It’s Mamma. Stop crying right now. It’s okay, honey. It’s going to stop hurting in two minutes. Jesus, with the sobbing already! Put your brother on.
NJ mom on cell with son #2: I want you to stop doing that thing to your brother. If you make him cry again I’m going to make you cry. Do you hear me? Don’t play stupid with me. I get enough of that from it your father. What? Put him on… Stop laughing… Put Daddy on the phone or so help me Jesus…
NJ mom on phone with the father: Jerkoff, what the fuck is going on over there? I leave the house for five goddamm minutes and you are all flicking each other’s balls again… Stop fucking laughing. You are going to make them retarded or gay or something!
–Clinique counter at Bloomingdales, 59th St
Overheard by: waiting online behind her
Girl: If I were a lesbian, I’d totally go for her!
Guy: Who?
Girl: Priscilla! Well…I mean, if she weren’t my sister.
–M23 Bus
Overheard by: Claire
Hispanic thug #1: You have to hit a kid to teach him respect.
Hispanic thug #2: That doesn’t work
Hispanic thug #1: Sure it does, remember when I stole that stuff when I was younger and dad hit me? That taught me the respect that I needed not to steal
Hispanic thug #2: You still steal.
Hispanic thug #1: Yeah, but not from my family.
–Downtown 4
Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?
–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Cleo
Guy #1: Oh my god man! I just saw my ex!
Guy #2: So…fuck her!
Guy #1: Yeah,… fuck that fucking cunt…fucking cunt!
Guy #2: Did she look hot…?
Guy #1: Cunt.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Al Wilner
Woman #1: Rhoda! Did you see Chrissie’s tattoo?
Woman #2: Oh no!
Woman #1: And here.
Woman #2 to teen: Are you crazy? Do you know what that shit is going to look like when you get pregnant and it stretches all out and hangs there? I ought to kick you both down these steps throwing good money away.
–Met Steps
Overheard by: Blondie
