Obese white trash wife in housewares aisle: If we had a real house, I’d decorate it like crazy.
Obese white trash husband: Yeah…
–Target
Obese white trash wife in housewares aisle: If we had a real house, I’d decorate it like crazy.
Obese white trash husband: Yeah…
–Target
Extremely large guy: Yo, I’m scared of clowns for reeeaaal.
–Court & Montague, Brooklyn
Mother to young child, after ghetto girl passes: No, honey, she’s not a clown. She just likes to dress that way.
–95th & Madison
Overheard by: Don Ricardo
Mother, watching a clown holding a briefcase walk onto the train: [to child] Look, honey, it’s a funny clown!… [to husband] Do you think he has a bomb in that briefcase?
–F train
Overheard by: and then i burst out laughing.
Mother: Are you sure you want to eat that?
Daughter: Mom! Do you know how that makes me feel? You know how you feel when I make fun of your hair. Now compound that by a hundred. I have a Ph.D. and a fat ass. It’s who I am.
Mother: You make fun of my hair?
–Cafe, MoMA
Overheard by: nothing wrong with her hair
Girl: Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in, like, a week?
Fat girl: Oh. I had a baby.
Girl: I didn’t know you were pregnant.
Fat girl: Neither did I.
–Times Square
Fat kid: Can we take the elevator?
Dad: No, Charlie, come up the stairs.
Fat kid: But this is IMPOSSIBLE!
Dad: No, it isn’t impossible. Now move up the stairs.
–Subway, Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rita
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Girl on cell: Oh my God, my love handles are out of control. When I was getting ready tonight, my fat got caught in my zipper.
–49th & 2nd
Overweight girl: Guys don’t know what they’re missing. There’s some fine pussy under this gut!
–Queens College
Overheard by: Jimbob Watson
Old Italian woman: If I die fat, whatever. Just as long as I make everyone else fat before I go, that’s fine. They can diet after I’m gone. Just keep my recipes is all I’m sayin’, ya know?
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Guy: There should be more laws about people on planes. I once had to sit next to this really fat guy. He was so unapologetic about it! The rogue fat was spilling onto me.
–G train
Shrewd observer, commenting on NYU freshmen: They’re so ugly, and a lot of them haven’t started smoking yet so they’re really fat.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Little girl to large woman at paper towel dispenser: I didn’t get any, stupid fat lady!
–Women’s restroom, Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Robyn Z
Art student: You ever seen a fat guy fall on a car? Like, the car just happened to be there?
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: TeN22
Guy #1: You know, I wish I could have sex with two girls, so I can eat two pussies at the same time.
Guy #2: Why don’t you just do what I did? Have sex with a really fat girl so you can have one massive pussy to eat out from.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: Naidababy
Burly man: …but that’s just me. I think it’s ridiculous for Chicago to ban foie gras when you can buy veal anywhere. How is veal any more cruel? But I admit, it’s just me. I’m a big foodie. I love the finer things in life. I just have to enjoy all the finest foods.
Dyke: But you just said you eat Taco Bell 4 times a week.
–DBA bar, 1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: common people
Portly dude in Rangers jersey: I’m the best thing to ever happen to Amish country.
–Spanish Consulate, 58th & Lex
