Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

Posted on February 27, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Body Parts, Bosses, Death, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, School and studying, Science, Street, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

White Bread, but Still

Freshman girl #1: Oh my god! Bread! My bread!
Freshman girl #2: Wait…what…? Oh, yeah! Bread! I love you, bread!
Freshman girl #1: Oh, bread. You're my bread.

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: pomy

Posted on February 26, 2015
Columbia University, Food, Love, Students, Weirdness

Ad: Have Some MSG, Not an STD!

Girl #1: Oh my god! That condom wrapper says “oriental flavor.” What does that even mean?
Girl #2, looking at litter: I think that's a Ramon noodle seasoning pouch.

–Central Park

Posted on February 26, 2015
Central Park, Condoms, Food, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity

For a Girl Named Brie, You Sure Don't Know Much

Running little kid #1: What kind of cheese do you like? Cheese or cheddar?
Running little kid #2: What's the difference?

–Knickerbocker Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on February 24, 2015
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Food, Kids, Questions, Stupidity

Tonight's Movie: Half Baked

Redheaded hipster #1, jumping in flour: This is so Brooklyn… Why is there flour in the street?
Redheaded hipster #2: Someone probably was just like “fuck this cake,” and threw it out of their window in frustration.
Redheaded hipster #1: I mean, probably.

–Williamsburg

Posted on February 23, 2015
Anger Management, Food, Hipsters, Weirdness, Williamsburg

…the Same Way That Daddy Ate an Alcoholic, Sociopathic Chicken. Any Questions?

Son to mom: I have this new kid in my class and the teacher said he is autistic. Where do autistic people come from?
Mom: Autistic chickens, they ate an autistic chicken when he was younger and out he came, out and autistic.

–W Train

Posted on February 22, 2015
Education, Food, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

To Make It Explicit: The Center is Full of Rich Butter

Girl #1: Yeah, that French kid’s pretty hot.
Girl #2: His butt is like…it’s like a croissant!
Girl #1: Ohmigod, ew. But yeah, it’s true.

–1 train

Posted on February 22, 2015
Ass, Beauty, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Food, Foreigners, Idiots, On the Subway, Words

Sometimes Dinner Goes on for Hours

Ditzy girl #1: Wait, tell them how you diet!
Ditzy girl #2: Okay, you'll think I'm a total ano, but… I eat lunch… And drink wine for dinner.
Ditzy girl #3: I think that's totally acceptable!
Ditzy girl #4: Yeah, that's fine!

–Rooftop, Hotel Gansevoort

Posted on February 20, 2015
Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Hotels, Skinny People

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?

–Playground, Houston St, Soho

Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: skeptical james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flushing Playground

Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kendra

Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: wooohoooo

Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!

–American Museum of Natural History

Posted on February 16, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, Hudson River, Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Music, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Smoking, Soho, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers, Wishes & desires

Give Me Some, or I’ll Tell Mom You Lost Your Head

6-Year-Old girl, holding onto pole and craning neck backwards: I did this once, and my head came off and they had to put a new one on.
Younger brother: That made you dumb. I want ice cream.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on February 12, 2015
Families, Food, Kids, On the Subway

Food