Girl #1: I’m lucky that my parents are helping out with the rent. Otherwise I’d be, like, eating rice.
Girl #2: Hey, that’s what I eat! You should practice a little Asian sensitivity.
Girl #1, minutes later: It’s not like you just sit around all day eating rice. You’re the one being rice-ist!
–875 3rd Ave
Boyfriend: What do they got, babe?
Girlfriend: Um, sandwiches, baked ziti, tossed salad…
Boyfriend: Aaaaw yeeeah. Tooossed saalaad.
Girlfriend: Alex…
Older 50-something: What, what's so funny? What?
Boyfriend: Um…yeah, no. Nothing, I was just being stupid.
(girlfriend giggles)
Older 50-something: What?
(boyfriend whispers in 50-something's ear and she looks confused for a second)
Older aunt: Oh. You mean a rim job.
–Outdoor Cafe, 1st & 7th
Unattractive girl, whining: Baby, don't get the carrot cake.
Unattractive boyfriend: Why not? I like carrot cake. You don't have to eat it.
Unattractive girl: Well, I have no self-control, and I don't want to get fat.
Unattractive boyfriend: Baby, carrot cake is not your problem. Mayonnaise is your problem.
–Westside Market, Upper West Side
Overheard by: They should switch to Miracle Whip
Mom, visibly winded and tired : Why are we walking so much?
30-something daughter: To work up an appetite for dinner.
Mom: Dead people don't eat.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.
–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Maryrose
Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!
–Queens
Overheard by: alex
Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Caroline
Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!
–Starbucks
Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.
–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!
Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?
–West End & West 100th St
Man selling candy #1 to very pretty but overweight girl: Hey miss, you wanna buy a candy bar?
Pretty but overweight girl: Do I look like I need any more candy?!
Man selling candy #2: You look good to me!
–Outside JC Penny
Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…
Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!
–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Rachel Isadora
Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?
–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse
Overheard by: kritta
Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!
–Uptown 2 Train
Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!
–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene
Overheard by: Brenda
Waiter: …and how about a bread? Perhaps a poori or naan bread.
Guy: Naan for me thanks.
Waiter: Are you sure? It is very good bread…
–Mitali, E. 6th St.
Overheard by: John
Girl: Edible what?
Guy: Edible panties!
Girl: Hooray!
–45th & 5th
Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!
–Blarney Rock Pub
Overheard by: Ant928
Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.
–Union Square
Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.
–Chipotle, Broadway
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: CatVonD
NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: melbert
