Fordham

Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.

–The Cooper Union

NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!

–NYU

Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.

–Classroom, Columbia University

Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.

–NYU

Overheard by: Yeah. It did.

Undergrad #1: Yo, man, where are you running to?
Undergrad #2: Class!
Undergrad #1: Yo, why are you wearing pants?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.

–72nd St & Broadway

Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.

–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.

–Ditmars & 31st St

Overheard by: Natalie

Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."

–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene

Overheard by: Kristina

Girl #1: Oh my god! Who's cooking Ramen!?
Girl #2: I am.
Girl #1: You *totally* read my mind!

–Fordham University, Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great musician, because that guy looks like my dog's ass.
Guy: If your dog's ass looks like Thom Yorke, I suggest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would never sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heartbeat.
Girl: You can't sell animals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog's leash and throw in the dog for free.

–Fordham Ram Van

Overheard by: sromeo

Suit: Dan, I said you were supposed to dress up for the bake sale.
Dan: I'll let you know that I only have two genres of clothing in my closet: Shorts and t-shirts…and a priest costume. And the priest costume is a dress!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Arabic professor: “Qadam” means foot. How do you say more than one foot?
Male student: Feet.
(class laughs)
Arabic professor: In Arabic.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Krisztina

Law student in the middle of the hallway: I think I got her on the foot thing.
Friend: Yeah? Just don't push it too hard.

–Fordham Law School

Gay guy #1: So how was the party last night?
Gay guy #2: Oh, it wasn't too bad, but there were a bit too many tacos and not enough sausages, if you know what I mean.

–Fordham University

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park